dance crazes over the ages

50s


lindy hop- pretty much just a couple swinging each other around like crazy

the stroll- girls on one side and boys on the other and the line moved up as each couple would meet one at a time in the center at the beginning of the line and stroll to the music down the line between the others and take their place at the end of the line, sounds like loads of fun if you ask me

the hand jive- if you don't know, i am not telling you

the alligator- you lay down on the floor, bend your knees to your stomach, then kick your legs (alternating) from your knees down



60s


the twist- take a wild guess what this one looked like, unfortunately this was one of those moves that was popular among both teens and their parents

mashed potato- hop around and pretend you are mashing potatoes with your feet, more or less

the monster mash- same as the mashed potato except you hold your arms in a "ghoulish" positions


the madison- step left forward, place right beside left (no weight)and clap, step back on right, move left foot back and across the right, move left foot to the left, move left foot back and across the right

the freddie- simply stand in place, then, in rhythm with the music first extend the left leg and left arm; then the right leg and right arm, way exciting

70s

the robot- yeah, it's been around a while

the hustle- california or night fever line?

bus stop- take 4 steps backwards, clap, take 4 steps forward, clap, grapevine to the right, clap, grapevine to the left, clap, right heel forward, left heel forward, 2 Heel clicks, right heel forward, left heel forward, right foot front, right foot back, right foot to the right side, lift right leg while quarter- turning left; i couldn't do it justice on my own

80s

the african anteater ritual- you'll have to see Can't Buy Me Love for this one, way too hard to explain but definitely worth seeing

the chinese typewriter- jump from side to side, toes in, toes out

the fishing pole- cast a line, reel it in, repeat

moonwalk- you move one foot backwards keeping all your foot on the floor while your static foot has its heel raised, keep changing foots, it should look as if you are walking forward but the floor is pulling you back, a MJ classic, what a guy

90s

hammer dance- my dad claims to have done this one, says it was very popular with the ladies, by M.C. Hammer, he wore those baggy genie pants, keep legs wide apart, slightly bents, shuffle quickly one way, then the other, yeah, hot stuff

the jump- bet cha can't guess what this one looked like

tootsee roll- knees in, knees out, knees in, knees out, can you say scandalous?

macarena- anyone and their grandma could do this dance, how did it become a craze?

moshing or a mosh pit- not really a dance move but definitely a dance craze, don't worry though, being part of the nineties means your parents didn't do it, hopefully

two for the price of one

Gosh i love people. they are so fabulous. you have no idea. really, you have no idea.



Scene one: sitting in my least favorite class waiting for my least favorite teacher to arrive. the kid next to me leans over. wait for it. wait for it. and asks me how to spell paper. no joke. i look at him to see if he is kidding. no. he is totally serious and seriously unabashed for having to ask such a degrading question. just sitting there, waiting for my answer. um? p-a-p-e-r. thanks. er, no problem. (*are you sure you are right place? this is high school.)


Take two: me. walking to a soccer meeting. walking down the hall. hear something. see three . . . rappers(?) come around the corner. one is "singing/rapping", one is making funny noises, one is kinda dancing in a weird sort of way. they are coming towards me. i try not to laugh. they stop before we pass one another. i am offered a spot in their upcoming dance video. after regretfully reclining i continue on my way. such a shame. i really do not know what to say. flattered, i am sure.

6 truths of life

1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.

2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it.

3. The first truth is a lie.

4. You’re smiling now because you’re an idiot.

5. You soon will test this out on another idiot.

6. There’s still a stupid smile on your face.

(authoritative voice) i have located the origin of the swine flu

prepare yourself for something truly horrible
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i mean absolutely terrifying
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you may want to sit down for this
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the girl has got to go

my favorite spoofs

a very short list, for now, plus, some of these aren't actually spoofs off other movies, more just like spoofs in general:

1. Airplane (1980) - Starring Leslie Nielsen, Robert Hayes, Kareem Abdul Jabbar, Julie Hagerty, Robert Stack, Lloyd Bridges and Peter Graves.

Favorite quote: There is none really, just a whole bunch of great ones equally, here are a few...

Ted Striker: My orders came through. My squadron ships out tomorrow. We're bombing the storage depots at Daiquiri at 1800 hours. We're coming in from the north, below their radar.
Elaine Dickinson: When will you be back?
Ted Striker: I can't tell you that. It's classified.

Roger Murdock: We have clearance Clarence.
Captain Oveur: Roger, Roger.
What's our vector Victor?
Tower voice: Tower's radio clearance, over!
Captain Oveur: That's Clarence Oveur! Oveur.
Tower voice: Roger.
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Tower voice: Roger, over.
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Captain Oveur: Huh?

Rumack: Captain, how soon can you land?
Captain Oveur: I can't tell.
Rumack: You can tell me. I'm a doctor.
Captain Oveur: No. I mean I'm just not sure.
Rumack: Well, can't you take a guess?
Captain Oveur: Well, not for another two hours.
Rumack: You can't take a guess for another two hours?

Favorite Scene:
Really just the whole thing.


2. Robin Hood- Men In Tights (1993) - Funny scenes throughout, good British sounding performance by Cary Elwes as Robin, Richard Lewis as Prince John and Dave Chappelle as Ahchoo.

Favorite quote:
Prince John: Such an unusual name, "Latrine." How did your family come by it?
Latrine: We changed it in the 9th century.
Prince John: You mean you changed it TO "Latrine"?
Latrine: Yeah. Used to be "S$%thouse."
Prince John: It's a good change. That's a good change!

Favorite Scene:
Robin and Little John fight one another with big sticks and each hit snaps their sticks in half, they are eventually reduced to 4 inch sticks and resort to hand slapping.


3. Young Frankenstein (1974) - Starring Gene Wilder, Peter Boyle, Madeleine Kahn and Teri Garr.

Favorite quote:
Igor: Dr. Frankenstein...
Dr. Friedrich von Frankenstein: "Fronkensteen."
Igor: You're putting me on.
Dr. Friedrich von Frankenstein: No, it's pronounced "Fronkensteen."
Igor: Do you also say "Froaderick"?
Dr. Friedrich von Frankenstein: No... "Frederick."
Igor: Well, why isn't it "Froaderick Fronkensteen"?
Dr. Friedrich von Frankenstein: It isn't; it's "Frederick Fronensteen."
Igor: I see.
Dr. Friedrich von Frankenstein: You must be Igor. [He pronounces it ee-gor.]
Igor: No, it's pronounced "eye-gor."
Dr. Friedrich von Frankenstein: But they told me it was "ee-gor."
Igor: Well, they were wrong, weren't they?

Favorite scene:
Everytime Frau Blucher's name is mentioned.


4. The Producers (2005) - Starring Nathan Lane, Matthew Broderick, Uma Thurman, Will Ferrell, Gary Beach, and Roger Bart.

Favorite Quote:
Roger De Bris: Oh dear, your Mr. Bloom is staring at my gown. I should explain. I'm going to the choreographer's ball this evening. There is a prize for best costume.
Carmen Ghia: We always win.
Roger De Bris: I'm not so sure about this year. I'm supposed to be the Grand Dutchess Anastasia, but I think I look more like the Chrysler Building!
Carmen Ghia: Well, as far as I'm concerned, without your wig on, you're only half-dressed.
Roger De Bris: Well then, why don't you go and get it, o Wicked Witch of the West? [pause]
Carmen Ghia: If your intention was to shoot an arrow through my heart... bulls-eye!

Favorite Scene:
The song that follows this quote, "Keep It Gay!".

nothing is what it seems

Something is wrong here. Really? I mean really? Whose idea was this? Pride and Prejudice . . . and Zombies? Of course it was written by a guy. What's next, Sense and Sensability . . . and The Boogie Man? Emma . . . and the Werewolf? Lady Susan . . . is a Ghost? Settle in for a story, so yesterday I was wandering around Barnes and Noble, like a loser, when an older lady walked up to me and ask me if we carried this book. My first instict was to explain to her that I didn't work there, but then I did a bit of a double take. Did you say and zombies? i asked. Yes, she said. Then we both burst into laughter, and she bought the book. And while it was funny at the time i'm sure you really don't care now.

please, shut up

we all know one, those people who are so annoying you begin to seriously contemplate some form of homicide, those who you walk into class with knowing that you die a little more each day just being around them, those ridiculous people who just can't seem to get over themselves for no apparent reason, that little voice in the back of the room that vehemently refuses to cease the steady stream of utterly useless comments about absolutely nothing, and i'd just like to take the time to say that i hate you, i really hate you.

you know who you are

you know you're from Iowa when . . .

1. You measure distance in minutes
2. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your pine tree (that's some fancy livin')
3. Weather is 90% of your conversation (so . . .)
4. Down south to you means Missouri
5. Snow tires came standard on your car
6. You have no concept of public transportation
7. The top 5% of your graduation high school class went to Iowa State -- everyone else attended the U of I
8. You know more than one person who has hit a deer (i also know a person who hit more than one deer at a time)
9. You have no problem spelling "Des Moines"
10. You know the answer to the question, "Is this Heaven?"
11. Your school classes have been canceled because of cold (yup)
12. Your school classes have been canceled because of heat (yup)
13. You know what the numbers I-80, 280, 380 mean
14. You know what "Amish Country" is
15. You've licked frozen metal (for one reason or another)
16. The only reason you go to Wisconsin or Missouri is to get fireworks
17. You wear shorts when it's 50 degrees out in March, but bundle up and complain in August when it goes below 60 degrees
18. You have gone Trick-or-Treating in two feet of snow
19. You carry jumper cables in your car (and you know how to use them)
20. In a conversation you heard someone say "Yah sure you betcha" or "No, I never" or "Not once ever even" and you didn't laugh
21. Detasseling was your summer job
22. People from other states love to hear you say "Iowa" and other words with "Os" in them
23. You know what "Hawks" and "Clones" are
24. You can't drive 5 miles without passing at least one church (or three)
25. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway
26. Vacation means going to Adventureland or Okoboji (par-tay!)
27. You "warsh" your clothes
28. You see a car running in the parking lot at the grocery store with no one in it, no matter what time of year it is (what's the worst thing that could happen)
29. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or vegetable
30. When asked how your trip to any foreign, exotic place was you respond "It was different."
31. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car
32. Little smokies are something you serve on special occasions
33. You've never met a TV celebrity (local newpeople don't count)
34. You've gone hunting for morel mushrooms
35. You use phrases like "catty wampus" and "knee high by the fourth of July"
36. There's a tornado and the whole town is outside watching for it
37. You get up a 5:30 am and go to the coffee shop
38. You pick up all the free stuff at the state fair (guilty)

how many are you guilty of? probably too many.

that is most unfortunate

that's not what i meant

having a little fun with google suggest, try this:

type in "what does it mean" and see what suggestions it gives you, my favorite would have to be "what does it mean when your poop is green", because apparently there were enough people looking this up to cause it to become an automatic suggestion. really? or how about "why can't i", yeah, it comes up with more, this time my favorite being "why can't i just eat my waffle?". fabulous. here's another, type in "why are you" and it'll give you "why are you wearing that stupid man suit" as your second option. i don't even know what that means. last one, type in "bears are" and i like the one that says "bears are investors who anticipate increases in stock prices". good stuff.

who doesn't hate bad drivers? it's one of those inevitable things that just plain ruins your day. worse, are bad drivers causing traffic jams. really i just wanted to show you some pictures but because my word count is a little shy i need to ramble a just a bit first. my biggest annoyance is the leaving on of the blinkers. it's not that i can't tell when or if you are trying to turn, it's just that persistant blink that really gets to me. blink, blink, blink. i wish there was some way i could communicate to you that your blinker is still on. but i can't. now you can look at the pictures.