stop, study time

pretty much these are just fool proof ways of passing any test. i mean really, calculus: covered, algebra: covered, biology: covered, chemistry: covered, physics: covered, the study of human nature: covered; so don't bother studying, cause it would actually just be a major waste of your time. instead you should spend you newly freed up schedule doing something more exciting, like, i don't know, anything, perhaps just being content with yourself for making the excellent decision of doing nothing. very smart, very smart.

The Second, and shorter, Movie Meme

1. Richard: Oh my God, I'm getting pulled over. Everyone, just... pretend to be normal.
2. Woman: She's wonderful! Where ever did you find her? Man: 976-BABE.
3. Here is the primate example. You raise a doll-chopping homicidal maniac, and what do you do every time you see him? You give him money. Great!
4. I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.
5. This guy's a restraining order waiting to happen.
6. Relax, would you? We have seventy dollars and a pair of girls underpants. We're safe as kittens. - 16 Candles - as discovered by Ms. Mixmaster Mack
7. If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour... you're gonna see some serious shit.
8. "Yesssssssssssssssssssssss? sss?" - The Producers- as discovered by Ms. Roxanne Beta
9. Andy crawled to freedom through five hundred yards of shit smelling foulness I can't even imagine, or maybe I just don't want too. - Shawshank Redemption- as discovered by Ms. Roxanne Beta
10. Gang Kid: Hey what kinda accent is that man? What planet are ya from? Man in other car: Vat Planet? The planet of not wanting to be die, by a drive by SHOOTING!
11. Woman: You wore control-top pantyhose? Man: You put a pair in the pink box. Woman: [laughs] And how did you look in them? Man: Hot.
12. Man: What about you? You don't have any needs? Woman: No. I'm Jesus. - 27 Dresses - as discovered by Ms. Roxanne Beta
13. Where's the goddam toaster?
14. I have traveled many miles and now have come disguised as a pimp to help you.
15. Man: Say, have you seen anything of a mean, fresh, kid, about ye big? Answers to the name of Pete. Boy: Half of the kids here in this town answer to Pete. Other half don't answer. - Pete's Dragon - as discovered by Ms. Mojo Jojo
16. Ned... Ryerson. "Needlenose Ned"? "Ned the Head"? C'mon, buddy. Case Western High. I did the whistling belly-button trick at the high school talent show? Bing. Ned Ryerson, got the shingles real bad senior year, almost didn't graduate? Bing, again. Ned Ryerson, I dated your sister Mary Pat a couple of times until you told me not to anymore? Well?
17. "Ashes to ashes and dust to dust. Show me a man that a woman can trust. Now where did it say that on the eighth day He dusteth?"
18. Mother: Who is down there with you, Mary? Mary: It's George Bailey, mother. Mother: George Bailey? What does he want? Mary: I don't know! [to George] What do you want? George Bailey: Me? Nothing! I just came in to get warm, is all. Mary: [pause] He's making violent love to me, mother!
19. "Hey - check this out! I found the ass end!"
20. "I hope you'll be at cheerleading tryouts. We'll have so much fun and get to be lifelong friends."
21. Jump Back! - Footloose - as discovered by Ms. Roxanne Beta
22. I don't belong here, I feel it, don't you think I feel it. I can't do any of these vile things and I wouldn't WANT to. Oh, my life is like death. My children are the spawn of hell, and you're the devil. Oh God.
23. Oh sweet Jesus, who gave that woman an amp?
24. What do you want me to do, dress in drag and do the hula?
25. Ugh, I can actually hear you getting fatter.

here are the answers to the ones that nobody got last time:

7. "Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic and so am I." - What About Bob?
12. [Man karate-chops the tops off three beer bottles] Boy: How did you do that? How did you do that? Man: Don't know. First time. -The Karate Kid
14. "That man... is a brownie hound." - The Breakfast Club
19. Man 1: Who are you, and why are you doing this? Man 2:We are bad men, and for the money! - The Count of Monte Cristo
20. "I tell you what I'd like to do - I'd like to fold a Playboy centrefold into every one of Reverend Shaw's hymnbooks!" - Footloose
21. "Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say "YES"!" - Ghostbusters
22. "Imagine you're a deer. You're prancing along. You get thirsty. You spot a little brook. You put your little deer lips down to the cool, clear water - BAM. A fuckin' bullet rips off part of your head. Your brains are lying on the ground in little bloody pieces. Now I ask ya, would you give a fuck what kind of pants the son-of-a-bitch who shot you was wearing?" - My Cousin Vinny
23. "Only one thing in the world could've dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window." - A Christmas Story
27. "Have you anymore to say, Master Nude?" - A Knights Tale
29. "Mother pus bucket. So . . . she's a dog." - Ghostbusters
30. "Aunt Clara had for years labored under the delusion that I was not only perpetually 4 years old, but also a girl." - A Christmas Story

don even worry about it

the 'ceasing to care' feeling has already begun to settle in

that's what you think

After watching the movie Conspiracy Theories, I went to see what other ones I could find, and let me say, there are some weird people out there with way too much time on their hands. One of my favorite conspiracy theories is the one involving Bush and the New World Order. Apparently he is an insider of the plan which means to create a One World Government. This would involve the taking over of the world via Communism and power hunger billionaires. Fun, no?



Another juicy theory includes the "sex files" of J. Edgar Hoover, which allegedly contained dirt on every politician or person of prominence in Washington. Apparently, to keep Kennedy from handing him the pink slip, Hoover dug up some dirt on the Kennedy brothers and their "meetings" with the superstarlet, Marilyn Monroe. It is also suspected that Hoover used similar tactics against the civil rights leader, Martin Luther King Jr.



On a more creepy note, on the night of November 18, 1978, in a cleared out patch of Guyanese jungle, the Reverend Jim Jones ordered the 913 members of his flock to kill themselves by drinking cyanide potion, and they did. Afterwords, Jones shot himself, or was shot by another. That is all true. The conspiracy enters in the question "How did he get them to do it?" The cultists had lived under Jones in the jungle as his virtual slaves, or rather, living zombies. But did these people really kill themselves simply because he told them to, or is there more to the story? Some believe it to be the work of mind control experiments conducted by the CIA (if all else fails, blame the CIA) in a sort of government run concentration camp.


Christine Fitzgerald, a confidante of Diana, Princess of Wales, claims that Diana told her that the Royal Family were Reptilian aliens, and that they could shapeshift. David Icke's, BBC reporter, claims that humanity is actually under the control of dinosauroid-like alien reptiles who must consume human blood to maintain their human appearance. "Evidence" goes from Sumerian tablets describing the "Anunnaki" (which he translates as "those who from heaven to earth came"), to the serpent in the Biblical Garden of Eden, to child abuse, fluoridation, and the genealogical connections between the Bush family and the House of Windsor. Icke theorizes that the reptilians came here from the constellation Draco. Like most conspiracy theories, falsification of Icke's hypotheses is nearly impossible, but Icke continues to sell books and give speaking engagements based on concepts ranging from the New Age to his political opinions.


As for our "fake moon landings", conspiracy theorist have compiled a list as to why we couldn't have possibly actually landed on the moon:

1. the astronauts couldn't have survived the trip due to overexposure to radiation
2. there are no stars in any of the pictures taken and none of the astronauts reported seeing any from the capsule windows
3. the moon's surface during the day is so hot that the cameral film would have melted (had they actually gone to the moon, of course)
4. no blast crater appeared from the landing
5. the launch rocket produced no visible flame
6. the CIA was involved

Some conspiracy theorist have proposed that bar codes serve as a means of control by the government over her people. They are believe to have a Satanic intent used for mass control.

Now whoever came up with this one has way too much time on their hands. Supposedly, Microsoft is a secret anti-semitism agency targeting the Jews of New York. If you go to the Wingdings font on Word and type in NYC it comes up with a skull and cross bones, the star of david, and a thumbs up sign. Coinsidence? I think not!

do you think it's a sign?

so really i didn't come up with any of these but (being kinda weird) everytime i see a funny bumper sticker i like to write it down, so these are ones that i have collected plus a few more:

-- All men are idiots, and I married their king.
-- Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
-- I brake for no apparent reason.
-- Time is what keeps everything from happening all at once.
-- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
-- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. (my personal favorite)
-- Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
-- Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
-- I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
-- Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off NOW.
-- Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
-- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
-- Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone somewhere may be happy.
-- Consciousness cuts into my napping.
-- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
-- There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't. (lame)
-- Keep honking. I'm reloading.
-- I'm not tailgating, I'm kissing ass.
-- Nowhere you are.
-- Jesus is coming, look busy.
-- Isn't a smoking area in a restaurant like a peeing area in a swimming pool?
-- Just when you think life's a bitch, it has puppies.
-- I got kicked out of cub scouts for eating a brownie.
-- I don't discriminate, I hate everybody.
-- Like what you see? Dial 1-800-YOU-WISH.
-- I used up all my sick days, so I called in dead. (definately second favorite)
-- I'd rather be out sick than in sane.
-- I'm retired, go around me.

guess who?

This is for you, Mixmaster Mack, and you, Mojo Jojo, and you, Nick. Amazing. I'm still on the look out for WG.

you know what i mean

so i was going through some boxes that i found in our washing room and i came across this book called Learning To Talk More Gooder Fastly: Redneck Dictionary. obviously more of a dictionary than a book, but i wanted to share a few of the definitions. i hope this doesn't count as plagiarism, i'm not claiming it as my own.

some of these you have to read through a few times before they actually make sense.

ac-tiv-ist: to behave in a certain manner, particularly one based on another reality. "She seduced me into signing that petition, and now she activist she don't even know me."

bu-lim-ia: a demand that one accept the speaker's truthfulness. "Bulimia don't want to do that."

cer-ti-fy: a phrase applying a condition or assumption to the use of a formal term for a male person. "I wouldn't've called her certify had known it was a woman."

de-cide: the position to the right or left of the front or back of an object or being. "We've concluded that he resembles a pear if you look at him from decide."

doo-dle: a male person and his predicted actions. "Don't even look at him, 'cuz that doodle kill you."

elite: a phrase predicting ingestion by a male. "Give it to Jake . . . elite anything."

fe-males: a phrase implying he action conditional on a male person putting a packag or missive into the postal system, with the purpose of its delivery to an indicated address. "Females it today, we should have it by Friday."

Kat-man-du: a mythical character with feline qualities and his actions or function. "I get why we let Aquaman into the club, but what the hell's the Katmandu?"

ma-ple: expressing the possibility of the act of yanking. "Timmy's adorable, but he maple your hair out."

one more
mas-och-ist: the act of pressing one's lips against a person or object in relation to the celebration of the Christian Eucharist. "I'm sure I'll suffer for it later, but during the first masochist the widow Johnson, and during the second masochist her sister."

hurray the slow clap

do it and die

my newest pet peeves:
(this gets kinda long)

1. people who read aloud what they are trying to type or write as they write it (you know who you are)
2. couples who sit on the same side of a booth when there is no one on the other side (I don't do long distance relationships)
3. people who sit next to you on public transportation when there are other seats available next to no one (um . . . hey)
4. people who prolong class by asking the most inane questions or telling pointless stories (is today tuesday? did we have homework last night? what's your favorite color? do you have any pets? (these same people are also prone to saying things like "like" and "totally" way too much))
5. road maps that haven't been refolded correctly, or that refuse to be refolded correctly (just buy a new one)
6. people who chat with other people online while I'm talking with them on the phone (what? oh, I'm sorry, what? what?)
7. people who own a pet and then refer to them self as mommy or daddy (give mummy a kiss, that's right. me: GROSS)
8. when you genuinely ask someone what's wrong, because there is clearly something wrong, and they respond with a half-hearted "mmm, oh, nothing", sometimes coupled with a long sigh (go pout in the corner, baby)
9. celebrities claiming to be environmentalists (NEED . . . MORE . . . FAME)
10. people who ride their bikes in the road when there is a sidewalk right next to it (you're really just asking to be hit)
11. when somebody tosses something toward a garbage can, like they think they're a basketball star, then leave it on the ground after they miss (she shoots, she sucks)
12. the way people walk in flip-flops (you sound like a horse, clip, clop, clip, clop)
13. someone standing over my shoulder or sitting next to me, reading my computer screen (not to point fingers)
14. people who don't cover their mouth while sneezing or coughing (really? i mean really?)
15. people who write noone instead of no one (gimme some space, please)
16. when you're eating candy and someone asks if they can have a red one (would you like me to shine your shoes too? (say yes and I'll hit you))
17. chasing after a ping pong ball/football (where's it gonna go?)
18. the creepers at red lights, you know, those people that start inching forward in their cars slowly until the light turns green (you best back off my bumper buddy)
19. people who clear their throats in a disgusting way (guilty)
20. when you can't tell if someone is male or female (um, mir? aka- ma'am/sir)
21. uncomfortable chairs (something just don't feel right)
22. having the sun in my eyes while I drive (that's a hazard)
23. movie sequels that are unnecessary
24. when couples say "we're pregnant!" (what, are you sharing a uterus?)
25. the "yes but" people
26. when people refuse to be the decision maker about something simple (I don't care. You pick. Doesn't matter to me.)
27. when you pull a string hanging from your shirt and it doesn't break, but only becomes longer
28. people who say "It's always in the last place you look" (are you stupid? of course it is, otherwise I would have stopped looking)
29. people who will write something borderline mean, but then follow it up with a smiley face (you smell bad :) I hate you :) go die:) )
30. mumbling, then annoyedly saying "Forget it!" when people don't hear you (fine, I will)
31. when people continue to stare after they ask you a question, as if they need you to expand more on your answer (and . . . ya)
32. teachers who think that theirs is the only class you attend or really care about (I'll just give you loads of homework, since you'll have nothing better to do)
33. people who dress their pets (they're furry for a reason)
34. buying 10 packs of hot dogs and 8 packs of buns (is their no coordination here?)
35. people who don't look at you when they are talking, or you are talking to them (you talkin' to me?)
36. people who use the phrase "110%" (*eye roll*)
37. people who say the time like "Eight AM in the morning" (during the day?)
38. forks whose tines don't stand up in a perfectly straight line
39. taking a drink only to find that it has begun to dribble down onto my shirt (I've got a bit of a drinking problem)
40. in mini golf when you miss the hole three times in a row less than a foot away
41. overuse of the word like (it was funny the first three times, that's it)
42. when you score a goal on yourself in foosball or air hockey (Goal!?!)
43. people with poor umbrella etiquette (I realize that I won't get wet with the umbrella sitting on top of my head but if you could hold it a little higher that would be fabulous)
44. getting fruit in you bag on Halloween (I gotta rock)
45. walking into spiderwebs (definitely a mood crusher)
46. stomping on the floor to simulate knocking on a door (I wonder who that could be)
47. when the cashier gives you the change with the coins on top of the bills and for a moment you look like a fool jamming a large wad of cash into your pocket
48. failing to take a backpack into account when turning or backing into people (Wide Load)
49. gray snow that won't melt
50. people who refuse to expand their musical horizons (don't you dare point any fingers at me!!!)
51. people who say "Bra" or "bro" when it's not their brother (excuse me, do I know you?)
52. when people trip over your their foot in the hallway and start running to pretend like they meant to do it (I thought you tripped, but then I realized you just felt like running)
53. car passengers that throw their doors wide open without first checking to make sure it is safe to do so (I was standing there, but not anymore)
54. the saying of the word "dude"
55. being put on speakerphone without warning
56. slow people walking in front of me or people walking at normal speed who suddenly stop for no apparent reason
57. when you bend over to pick something up and miss the object multiple times, and the final attempt is a violent grab as if to say it was the object's fault (huff)
58. people who brag about how trashed they got the night before (impressive)
59. co-workers that try to sell stuff to you at work (no thank you, No Thank You, NO THANK YOU)
60. teachers who stand directly in front of your desk as they teach (where am I supposed to look?)
61. speed bumps (looks kids, a dog, *bump bump*)
62. parents who have their kids on leashes
63. when someone blows their nose in your presence and then proceeds to look at what just filled their tissue/handkerchief (again, you know who you are)
64. when you apply too much deodorant and you have to make a running-in-place type of motion
65. pants on men that are too short (where's the flood?)
66. when someone is giving a speech in class and they won't stop looking at you as they speak
67. people abbreviating words when they speak (jk, omg, what-ev)
68. women who are obviously bottle blondes who still blame their stupidity on being blonde, as in: "Oh, no! I'm having a blonde moment!"
69. broken spines on paperback books
70. people that burp loudly in public
71. hypocrites
72. TV shows and commercials ads with ringing doorbells or phones, which make you into thinking the sound is coming from your house
73. people who try to talk to you when you are going to the bathroom (if you could just hold that thought for one minute)

I feel unnecessarily annoyed now.

i bet they're really nice jeans