Short and Sweet

Here's a few condensed movies for all those too lazy to watch the real thing (which would also take like three days anyway):

Jaws Directed by Steven Spielberg 1975
Roy Scheider: There's a big shark in the water. Close the beaches.
Murray Hamilton: No way. Your evidence is inconclusive. Clean the dead people off the beach to make room for the tourists.
(Some SCARY MUSIC rings out, and a BIG FAT GUY gets EATEN.)
Robert Shaw: I'm tough and grim.
(shark eats him)
Roy Scheider and Richard Dreyfuss: Take that.
(shark dies)
THE END

Erin Brockovich Directed by Steven Soderbergh 2000
Julia Roberts: I'm a jerk, but I'm brilliant. Give me a job, you fountain of scummy pain evil.
Albert Finney: Ok.
Julia Roberts: This company is poisoning water. Let's fry their ugly hides in extract of hell.
(They DO, and it is HEART WARMING.)
THE END

Titanic Film Directed by James Cameron 1997
Leonardo DiCaprio: Your social class is stuffy. Let's dance with the ship's rats and have fun.
Kate Winslet: You have captured my heart. Let's run around the ship and giggle.
(The ship: *SINK*)
Leonardo DiCaprio: Never let go.
Kate Winslet: I promise.
(lets go)
THE END

Jane Eyre By Charlotte Bronte
Edward Rochester: I have a dark secret. Will you stay with me no matter what?
Jane Eyre: Yes.
Edward Rochester: My secret is that I have a lunatic wife.
Jane Eyre: Bye.
(Jane Eyre leaves. Somebody dies. Jane Eyre returns.)
THE END

A Christmas Carol By Charles Dickens
Ebenezer Scrooge: Bah, humbug. you'll work thirty-eight hours on Christmas Day, keep the heat at five degrees, and like it.
Ghost of Jacob Marley: Ebenezer Scrooge, three ghosts of Christmas will come and tell you you're mean.
3 Ghosts of Christmas: You're mean.
Ebenezer Scrooge: At last, I have seen the light. Let's dance in the streets. Have some money.
THE END

The Catcher In the Rye By J. D. Salinger
Holden Caulfield: Angst angst angst swear curse swear crazy crazy angst swear curse, society sucks, and I'm a stupid jerk.
THE END