Friday, March 20, 2009

Yay, more ugly art!


No, in fact this is not ugly, it is wonderful. Masterful. This painting represents commercialism in society and the mixing of opinions. The distortion of the face shows our distortion of mind. By trying to be everything at once and instead of coming out beautiful we turn into monsters of narcissism. Only concerned with how others view us and how we see ourselves. We are influenced by what we see and mimic all.


No, actually this is a self portrait done by a very unfortunate man after a very bad day. After getting up to a beautiful morning with birds chirping and flowers blooming he proceeded to make himself a cup-o-coffee (vanilla walnut) and dress himself in his best attire in mind of his board meeting that morning where he was to be promoted from the sectary's secretary to just plain secretary (one small step on his way to world domination). While driving to his office he saw a squirrel in the road ahead. Assuming the squirrel would run out of the way he continued towards it. The squirrel did not budge; it had just broken up with it's mate and was feeling, currently, very suicidal. The man was forced to swerve out of the way at the last possible moment, causing his coffee to spill into his lap (he had just been about to take a sip), in turn causing him considerable pain and forcing him to release a few choice words. The squirrel, being very angry about not being hit, took off after the car, which had pulled over to the side of the road and few yards ahead. Needless to say, many of the man's injuries could have been prevented had he simply hit the squirrel; but on the other hand, as the squirrel was venting his anger on the man's face, his lady friend saw him and decided to take him back (she had originally left because she thought him a wimp) because of his heroics. The man never regained full function of any of his facial features and is constantly asked what is wrong or why he is in bad mood (due to his permanent frown).


No, in fact the painting was originally of a beautiful woman (whom the painter had hoped to ask out after finishing her portrait) but as the painter was exiting his workshop he ran painting first into a fellow painter carrying a recently painted portrait of his pet bull dog. While the bull dog painting now resembles a woman with a snout, the first painter's work was made masterful and fought over by many prominent collectors. (Unfortunately, after viewing the painting, the woman in fact did not accept the painters offer of a later date. Shame.)


That was all lies, the truth of the matter is that the painter was in fact six years old and was attempting a portrait of her dearest grandma. Needless to say this piece of art did not end up on grandma's refrigerator for all to see, but was labeled "grandpa" and hung over the mantle for all to admire (and snicker at).

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