New Year's Resolutions

As it is the beginning of the new year I have come up with a list resolutions to better myself in the upcoming year.

From now on I will . . .


remember to replace the gas hose before I drive away.

always wear clean underwear, "just in case."

keep a safe distance when driving behind a police car.

think of a more clever password for my e-mail account than ''password''.

not text, e-mail, and talk on the phone with the same person all at one time.

balance my checkbook (on my nose).

not sing back to people every jingle I hear on the radio.


This New Year's theme is "Try Again."

After spending an oh so fun filled weekend with the Grand Parents, I found, to my absolute horror, that I had, in fact, picked up some of the vernacular commonly used by the old. Warsh, for example, was a part of my vocabulary for about the next three days. Warsh? you say. Yes, indeed, warsh. Warsh the dishes. Throw your clothes in the warsh. Has this cup been warshed. I had obtained the opposite of a Boston accent, instead of droppin my 'r's, I gained them. Old. The trash had also undergone a transformation and was now 'The Rubbish'. So next to my psuedoboston dialect I now sounded british. Terrible. Why can't old people just talk normal. Nobody says warsh or rubbish, or crick, for that matter. The word creek has two 'e's in it for a reason. And Melk, yes Melk, not milk, but Melk. Needless to say, if the lipstick stains on my cheeks hadn't throw me over the edge, the oldish jargon would have done the job plenty.

Guitar Hero?

Let's analyze this painting for just one moment. Take a good look. Don't skip over any details. Now contrary to what you are thinking, this was not finger painted by a five year old. I was infact showcased in the Vienna Musem of Art in an exibit titled Bad Painting-Good Art, which consisted entirely of paintings of equal quality, this one was just my favorite. Again, I know what you're thinking, I could do better with a blowtorch and a tank of gasoline, but these paintings actually sell for some big bucks. Now back to analyzing the picture, personally, I think it represents the evils of fame. He(?) appears to be holding a guitar of some sort but he is not playing. His eyes are out of focus because he is thinking about his next paycheck. His overall image is blurred and there is nothing going on in the background. What is on his hand? Perhaps it's his black soul spread to every region of his being (oh, that was deep). His smile appears to be "painted" on, and why is he putting his hands in his pocket? Maybe he needs to reapply his eyeliner. Or his high is wearing off. My moneys on the eyeliner. So you see, this isn't an ugly painting at all, just a misunderstood piece of philosophy.

Misunderstood Marriage

Um, let's say wedding cakes show how successful a marriage will be. What do we think this one says? Wrong. The husband isn't running away, the wife is just giving him a neck massage while he's doing the hokey pokey. Who has a cake like this at their wedding? Sure it might be funny for like ten minutes, but after everbodies done giggling you're just going to move into a very awkwark silence, leaving everybody wondering about the security of the marriage. Yeah, "congradulations, and, um, good luck?" Just what every women wants to hear on the happiest day of her life. Wonder who picked the cake out. My bet is on the best man, but that's just a stab in the dark.

Da, Dum, Da Dum

Shall we, um, cut the bride/cake?

Question?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

Summing Up Some Pretty Crappy Movies So You Don't Have To Watch Them

Black Beauty

Boy finds horse.
Horse complains.
Horse runs away and finds new owner.
Horse runs away and finds newer owner.
Horse runs away and finds newerer owner.
Horse runs away and finds newererer owner.
Horse goes back to boy.
The End.


Bridge to Tarabithia

Boy meets girl.
They are bored.
They go to a magical world.
Girl drowns.
The End.


10,000 B.C.

D'Leh: Ah! My daddy left meh.
Unimportant Crowdfolk: Shame!
(*several years later*)
Buff D'Leh: I luv yeh, Evolet!
Evolet: Um. . . k
(*Evolet captured by horse-people*)
Evolet: AHHHHH!!!
Tigers and Mammoths: Rahr!
Buff D'Leh: I save yeh, Evolet.
(*he does*)
Unimportant Crowdfolk: Yay!
The End.


Disturbia

Kid: My dad died. I'm going punch a teacher.
(put under house arrest)
Kid: (mopes)
Girl: I'm hot and stuff.
Kid: k.
(spies on creepy neighbor)
Kid: That guy is weird.
(spies on him some more, gets scared)
Kid: omg i think he killed someone
(breaks into his house and almost gets killed to death)
Kid and Girl: (make out)
The End.


The Break Up

Guy and Girl meet.
Guy and Girl fight.
Guy and Girl break up.
Guy and Girl meet up and stand in an awkward silence.
The End.
(never saw that one coming)

So it took one fun filled day of school for me to realize how incredibly stupid some people are. We start our day to find out just how highly our first hour teacher thinks of us when he walks in about 20 minutes after school has started saying something about how bad the roads are. All of the ice melted yesterday. No ice. No snow. Good roads. Stupid teacher.

Next we find ourselves seated in LA with, um, shall we call her Smiley. Yes indeed, the entire class every time we look up we find her smiling, not at anyone, just to herself, like she's remembered some funny joke. Had this been any other day, I might have found this amusing, but not today. Her smile was as unwanted as a black eye on picture day.

Third period and we return to yet another nearly incompetent teacher. When we question an answer, all we receive is a "oh, well, hum, moving on . . ." Yeah, that's how I learn best, when I'm mumbled at.

Then lunch. Oh, lunch. How lucky are we that half our school finds it necessary to hide their faces beneath layers of animal bi products. Not to sound stuck up, but how do your parents let you leave the hous like that.

Forth passes without anything note worthy.

Fifth starts with a rousing round of copy down everything I write up on the overhead for the next half hour, no talking, no eating, no drinking, no breathing. Then we move on to worksheets, same song, second verse.

Sixth, well, it's over.

Hot Maybelle

Nothing is more controversial than the idea of spontaneous human combustion. Over the years, and when I say years I mean like the past hundreds of years, much evidence has been collected for and against this strange phenomena. Many cases have been filed and many suspects acquitted due to this fiery conclusion.

Take Mrs. Mary Reeser, for instance, who was found lounging in an arm chair, burnt and smoldering. All that was found of Mary was her liver which was fused to a lump of her vertebrae. her skull, which had shrunken to the size of a baseball, 10 pounds of ashes, and her left foot still wearing her black satin slipper and fully intact. The walls of her apartment were covered in a greasy substance and the plastic light switches had melted along with two candles, though their wicks were both still intact. Only a small, circular area of her apartment was burned/ashen.

To creamate a body it requires heat of over 2500 degrees.

My personal favorite, as sick as that sounds, concerns Miss Maybelle Andrews. While dancing at a club one night with her boyfriend, flames suddenly erupted from her back, chest, and sholders. Her boyfried was severely burnt while trying to put out the flames, but at least he survived, Maybelle, however, was not so lucky, and died from her injuries on the way to the hospital.

One of the only survivors of the wierd phenomena is Jack Angel, no pun intended. While taking a nap in his trailer home he recalls that he suddenly felt searing pain as he erupted in flames. Examiners said that the damaged extended to a hole in his chest, fused vertebrae, and an arm beyond saving. Nothing within the trail was singed and the only explanation obtained was spontaneous combustion.

This account slightly contradicts that of Peter Jones, who recalls no sensation of heat or burning. He claims that all he saw was smoke and no pain was endured.

Only a few similarities have been found between the many cases . . .

• 80% of the victims are women
• most were overwieght and/or alcoholics
• while the body was badly burned, most items in the room remained untouched
• a yellow, putrid smelling oil was found surrounding the body
• the head and extremities, along with clothing, was all that was ever found intact on the body
• the victim never cried out during their consumption

Speak Now, Or Forever Hold Your Peace

So I had to do a report on Nostradamus, which is a way cool name, and I thought I'd share with you some of his prophecies:

The Fire of London: his exact words were "The blood of the just will be demanded of London, Burnt by the fire in the year 66 (1666)," in the year 1666, London was consumed by the flames of a single spark, destroying the city in 5 days, only 6 were killed.

The French Revolution: "Before the war comes, the great wall will fall, The King will be executed, his death coming too soon will be lamented. (The guards) will swim in blood, Near the River Seine the soil will be bloodied." He's so poetic. On July 14, 1789, the walls of the Bastille were stormed, and, needless to say, the king was killed by guillotine on the banks of the Seine.

Emperor Napoleon: "PAU, NAY, LORON will be more of fire than of the blood, To swim in praise, the great one to flee to the confluence. He will refuse entry to the Piuses, The depraved ones and the Durance will keep them imprisoned." The first three words are an anagram and when rearranged spell Napaulon Roy, or King Napoleon. The more of fire refers to war, and the 'of the blood' means of noble birth; so all in all he's saying that he will come to power by force rather than inheritance. The 'Piuses' are the Popes Pius VI and Pius VII, whom were both imprisoned under Napoleon.

Hitler's Reign: this one received drew a rather long speech from the old philosopher "Beasts ferocious with hunger will cross the rivers (Germans invade France), The greater part of the battlefield will be against Hister (aka: the Danube, where Hitler was born). Into a cage of iron will the great one be drawn (tanks), When the child of Germany observes nothing.
In the year very not far from Venus, The two greatest ones of Asia and of Africa: They are said to have come from the Rhine and from Hister Cries, tears at Malta and the Ligurian sea-coast. (describing Hitler's conquests in Spain and Africa)
Liberty will not be regained, It will be occupied by a black, proud, villainous and unjust man: When the matter of the Pontiff is opened, The republic of Venice will be vexed by Hister. (Hitler is bad)
The shocking and infamous armed one will fear the great furnace, First the chosen one, the captives not returning The world’s lowest crime, the Angry Female Irale - Israel - not at ease, Barb, Hister, Malta, and the Empty One does not return. (Hitler is bad and kills people)"

Louis Pasteur: he actually gets the names right in this one and everything "The lost thing is found, hidden for so many centuries, Pasteur will be honored as a demigod This happens when the moon completes her great cycle, He will be dishonored by other winds." All this is saying is that Pasteur will be honored for his discovery but some will try to discredit him.

Kennedy Assassination: "The ancient work will be accomplished, And from the roof evil ruin will fall on the great man: They will accuse an innocent, being dead, of the deed: The guilty one is hidden in the misty copse." This prophecy greatly pleases all those who claim Oswald's innocence in the Kennedy Assassination, if it is assumed that the innocent one accused is referring to him.

Nostradamus has also predicted future devastations to take place November 25, 2015; then on November 23, 2016; and again on December 7, 2044. So if the world doesn't end December 21, 2012, at least we'll still have something to look forward to.

Um, yum?

Look Ma, I'm Santa

So I found this picture while working on homework and it kinda caught my attention because I couldn't figure out what the whitish stuff was. And guess what? It's foam. Sea foam. It was a freaky natural phenomenon that was witnessed at Yamba Beach, New South Wales, Australia. The foam covered the whole beach along with many buildings. Fun, yet not.

Swing And A Miss

so over break i was talking with my aunt and she was telling me this story about a project my cousin had to do for his psychology class. needless to say, i loved it so much that i had to share. first off, his costume consisted a pair of his mom's jeans, layered skin tight shirts, and some gorgeous red pumps. then he and another boy, dressed, more or less, in the same ensemble, had to strut, yes strut, around the mall while others from the class observed the reactions of shoppers who came across this unique pair. apparently they weren't gaining as much attention as they wanted, so they proceeded to skip merrily along the length of the mall, ostentatiously professing their love to one another. i asked for pictures but she said that they had "mysteriously" disappeared.

bad reviews

The movie critics came out with a list of the top 200 worst movies of the last 10 years, with a few exceptions.

Here are the ones I've seen and wholeheartedly agree should be on that list (in no particular order):

1. Baby Geniuses- Hey, guys, lets make a movie about really smart babies who also happen to be really strong, and, ready for the twist? Two of them are twins, freaky, I know!

2. Pinocchio (the real people version)- Um, creepy. Some people just were not born to wear tights.

3. The Covenant- Wait, how about a movie about teenagers with magic powers, now where have I heard that before?

4. Dr. Suess' The Cat in the Hat- Hold on, what if we film a beloved children's book and cast a real creeper as the main character? Brilliant!

5. Joe Dirt- A beloved film about an abandoned child searching for his long lost parents; except that the child is really an adult who works as a janitor and has a mullet. FABULOUS!

6. Billy Madison- In order to gain control of his father's hotel business, Billy, a fully grown man, must retake kindergarten through 12th grade. And the good part begins where?

7. The Zodiac- So there's this killer on the loose but instead of looking for him we're just gonna mope around and yell at each other. Good plan guys!

(to see the entire list go to http://www.metacritic.com/video/lowscores.shtml)

Here are the ones I thought they missed . . .

1. The Break Up- You'll never guess what happens!

2. Ghost Rider- So theres this ghost who happens to be somewhat of a pyromaniac, right, and he rides a motorcycle, end of story.

3. Napoleon Dynamite- um . . . crap.

4. Jumper- Now you see him, now you see the mess he left behind. Great story line guys.

5. Clueless- Needless to say, if Jane Austen were still alive, she'd sue.

6. Disturbia- The name pretty much does it justice.

Hidden Knowledge

Here's some unexpected knowledge gained from the movies:

• A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
• During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
• All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
• Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
• When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
• Once applied, lipstick will never rub off-even while scuba diving.
• The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
• Large, loft-style apartments in New York City (or Paris) are well within the price range of most people-whether they are employed or not.
• All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
• If staying in a haunted house, women will investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
• Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
• It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts-your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
• A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
• Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
• You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
• Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.
• If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
• All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
• If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.
• When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.
• If and when a dog enters the story . . . it will not end well.

More Bad Movie

The Covenant
(title creativity: 0)


(starting scene: some party in the woods around a campfire)
Hot Guys: We're hot.
Girls: They're hot.
Bad Guy: I like spiders . . . and watching girls shower.
Police: Damn kids.
Party Goers: Lets all leave quickly in one vehicle without putting out the fire and leaving all of our cars behind, nobody will ever suspect a thing.
Party Goers: (*escape*)
Police: Damn kids.
(back at dorms)
Girl: Wow, 2 am already? Time for my shower.
Girl: (*showers*)
Lightbulb: (*break*)
Girl: Oh my, the lightbulb broke, the best thing for me to do in this situation would be to walk around barefoot and inspect the bathroom in just my towel, showing off all my gaudy tattoos.
(in some pool area)
Hot Guys: (*in speedos two sizes too small*)
Hottest Guy: Let's race.
Bad Guy: k
Bad Guy: (*wins race with magic powers*)
Hottest Guy: (*mopes*)
(at bar, even though their all still in high school)
Girl: I like dance.
Girl: (*dances in a dress possibly formerly owned by her dead great grandmother*)
Hot Guys: (*fight with magic powers*)
Girl: (*mopes*)
(back a dorm)
Girl's Roommate: My skin is erupting in disgusting looking pustules, I think I'll go to the doctor.
Girl: k
Bad Guy: (*enters room magically disguised as the hot guy*)
Bad Guy: Hey baby.
Girl: Um . . .
Hottest Guy: (*enters*)
Hottest Guy: Hey baby.
Bad Guy: (still disguised as hottest guy) Hey.
Girl: Um . . .
Bad Guy: Abra Cadabra!
Girl: (*turns bluish*)
Hottest Guy: Shit.
(here we have some unintentional man-to-man, lip-to-lip contact)
Hottest Guy: Blah!
Bad Guy: Give me your magic.
Hottest Guy: k
Bad Guy: Really?
Hottest Guy: Psych, gotcha!
Bad Guy: (*disappears with enough mystery left for there to be a sequel*)



(In essence this is a really bad movie, except for the actors, bravo to whoever did the casting.)

Story Line: bad
Special Effects: bad
Whole Idea of Magic Powers: BAD
Originality: None (someone was a little obsessed with Harry Potter)
Script: bad
Mood: bad (you can't have intense action, intense romance, intense comedy, and intense drama)

For Future Referance

For all those planning to go in to business, here's a few hints as how to translate the academic jargon:


'IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN' ...
I didn't look up the original reference.

'A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT' ...
These data are practically meaningless.

'WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS' ...
An unsuccessful experiment but I still hope to get it published.

'THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY' ...
The other results didn't make any sense.

'TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN' ...
This is the prettiest graph.

'THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT' ...
I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.

'IN MY EXPERIENCE' ...
Once.

'IN CASE AFTER CASE' ...
Twice.

'IN A SERIES OF CASES' ...
Thrice.

'IT IS BELIEVED THAT' ...
I think.

'IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT' ...
A couple of others think so, too.

'CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE' ...
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

'ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS' ...
Rumour has it.

'A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCEOF THESE FINDINGS' ...
A really wild guess.

'A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA' ...
Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a beer glass.

'IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS' ...
I don't understand it....and I never will.

'AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES' ...
They don't understand it either.

'A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY' ...
A totally useless topic selected by my committee.

'IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD' ...
I am pleased to feed you this rubbish.

'FROM THIS WE CAN CONCLUDE' ...
Um, I'm pretty sure this means ...

When you next read an academic paper, make sure you have this handy guide by your side.

Short and Sweet

Here's a few condensed movies for all those too lazy to watch the real thing (which would also take like three days anyway):

Jaws Directed by Steven Spielberg 1975
Roy Scheider: There's a big shark in the water. Close the beaches.
Murray Hamilton: No way. Your evidence is inconclusive. Clean the dead people off the beach to make room for the tourists.
(Some SCARY MUSIC rings out, and a BIG FAT GUY gets EATEN.)
Robert Shaw: I'm tough and grim.
(shark eats him)
Roy Scheider and Richard Dreyfuss: Take that.
(shark dies)
THE END

Erin Brockovich Directed by Steven Soderbergh 2000
Julia Roberts: I'm a jerk, but I'm brilliant. Give me a job, you fountain of scummy pain evil.
Albert Finney: Ok.
Julia Roberts: This company is poisoning water. Let's fry their ugly hides in extract of hell.
(They DO, and it is HEART WARMING.)
THE END

Titanic Film Directed by James Cameron 1997
Leonardo DiCaprio: Your social class is stuffy. Let's dance with the ship's rats and have fun.
Kate Winslet: You have captured my heart. Let's run around the ship and giggle.
(The ship: *SINK*)
Leonardo DiCaprio: Never let go.
Kate Winslet: I promise.
(lets go)
THE END

Jane Eyre By Charlotte Bronte
Edward Rochester: I have a dark secret. Will you stay with me no matter what?
Jane Eyre: Yes.
Edward Rochester: My secret is that I have a lunatic wife.
Jane Eyre: Bye.
(Jane Eyre leaves. Somebody dies. Jane Eyre returns.)
THE END

A Christmas Carol By Charles Dickens
Ebenezer Scrooge: Bah, humbug. you'll work thirty-eight hours on Christmas Day, keep the heat at five degrees, and like it.
Ghost of Jacob Marley: Ebenezer Scrooge, three ghosts of Christmas will come and tell you you're mean.
3 Ghosts of Christmas: You're mean.
Ebenezer Scrooge: At last, I have seen the light. Let's dance in the streets. Have some money.
THE END

The Catcher In the Rye By J. D. Salinger
Holden Caulfield: Angst angst angst swear curse swear crazy crazy angst swear curse, society sucks, and I'm a stupid jerk.
THE END

Personality Dialysis

Here is my personal opinion of each character:


Jane Bennet: a shy girl who is afraid to show her true self in fear that she will be hated, loved and envied by all for her beauty that she feels she doesn't have or deserve

Elizabeth Bennet: a strong minded and strong willed girl who isn't afraid to bread society rules in order to attain her rightful respect, unsure of what she wants but sure of what she doesn't want

Mary Bennet: a strange girl, very different from the rest of her family but most like her father, both loath the never ending rants of the youngest sisters and mother and long for nothing but peace

Kitty Bennet and Lydia Bennet: they might as well be the same person, while it is Kitty who follow by Lydia's example, together they are the biggest flirts of the county, forever squealing about the militia or complaining about their own minor injustices, all in all, every parents worst nightmare, this is what you pray your children won't be like

Mrs. Bennet: almost as insufferable as her two daughters, she spends all of her time trying to marry all of them off, and while she claims it is for their own well being, there is nothing more she would like than the power to boast of their successful marriages in an attempt to boost her own social standing

Mr. Bennet: a quiet man, willfully ignorant of his three youngest daughters and wife, choosing to ignore them in favor of his two oldest daughters, he is a stupid man who cares more about peace and quiet than the well being of his family, once the youngest two get married and leave, his life will improve greatly

Mr. Bingley: an adorably shy young man whose true love is almost lost due to his insensitivity towards her true nature, his mind is clouded by the foul thoughts of his sisters and is only cleared once Mr. Darcy sets him straight

Mr. Darcy: a seemingly arrogant man with a much softer core, true to his word and weary of his feelings, unsure of what course to take and who's will to abide

Mr. Collins: a rat that ferrets his way into the Bennet household looking for a wife, while he is harmless and ignorant to that which happens just under his nose, that doesn't keep him from being utterly rude and nearly intolerable

Mr. Wickham: originally perceived as a good man who had been wronged, it is later learned that he is a greedy liar looking for an easy reward

Miss Bingley: a two-faced woman who nearly succeeds in ruining the relationships between Mr. Bingley and Jane as well as Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth

Miss Darcy: a shy, pretty young girl recovering from heartache, Mr. Darcy's younger sister of whom he is guardian of

Charlotte Lucas: a trustworthy friend of Elizabeth looking for an easy way out, which she finds in the form of Mr. Collins, while she can't bear being with him she does it for the easy lifestyle that comes with marrying him, and while we don't get the impression that she is shallow or cheap, the idea is certainly brought up

Lady Catherine De Bourgh: a stuffy old hag who can't stand people who think for themselves, she believes that her way is the only way and that all praise should be directed towards her

Pride and Prejudice

Because I love this book so much that I figured it deserved a very long summary. Ready, set, go . . .



First we are introduced to the Bennet family (in no particular order):



Jane Bennet: the oldest and most beautiful of the five Bennet daughters, practical and kind, very shy, rarely reveals her true feelings

Elizabeth Bennet: the second oldest daughter, most logical and level-brained of her sisters, thoughtful, intelligent, and practical, favorite of her father but least liked by her mother, comes to realize that she is just as capable of letting her feelings get in the way of her good sense as her feather-brained sisters

Mary Bennet: the middle sister and the only one to remain unmarried, very odd, spends all her time reading scripture

Kitty (Catherine) Bennet: second youngest, partners in crime with Lydia but the lesser of the two evils

Lydia Bennet: youngest sister but the biggest flirt, runs away with Mr. Wickham and is later forced to marry him to avoid scandal

Mrs. Bennet: mother to the five Bennet girls (duh) whose only goal in life is to have each of her daughters married, arrogant, pushy, and embarrassing

Mr. Bennet: a country gentleman, finds his wife and three youngest daughters to be frivolously ignorant and annoying but takes great pride in Jane and Elizabeth

Mr. Bingley: wealthy, shy, polite young gentleman that moves into the Bennet's neighborhood and falls immediately for Jane Bennet

Mr. Darcy: a friend of Mr. Bingley, wealthy, handsome, and proud, thought to be rude and conceited by most, later falls in love with Elizabeth

Mr. Collins: the cousin set to inherit the Bennet's estate once Mr. Bennet dies, a pastor, is pushy and obnoxious, views himself very highly while he is looked down upon by his relatives due to his monotonous, long-winded nature

Mr. Wickham: a soldier in the militia who convinces Elizabeth that he was greatly wronged by Mr. Darcy

Miss Bingley: Mr. Bingley's younger sister who, upon discovering Mr. Darcy's attraction for Elizabeth, tries to separate them by breaking up her brother and Jane, so that none of them will see each other anymore

Miss Darcy: Mr. Darcy's younger sister who is quiet and shy

Charlotte Lucas: Elizabeth's friend who later marries Mr. Collins when Elizabeth turns him down

Lady Catherine De Bourgh: Mr. Darcy's wealthy aunt, is pushy and expects everyone to appreciate and follow her advice on everything

A Cure For The Monday Blues

(Semi)Real Newspaper Headlines

• Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
• Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
• Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
• Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
• Eye Drops off Shelf
• Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
• Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
• Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Axe
• Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
• Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
• Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
• Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
• Deer Kill 17,000
• Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
• New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
• Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
• Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
• Fire British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
• Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
• Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
• Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half New
• Vaccine May Contain Rabies
• College Opens Doors to Hearing
• Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
• Include your Children When Baking Cookies
• Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Never Eat Slimey Worms

Let's start with listing the differences between the book and the movie, because, thank goodness, there are way less differences than similarities.

1. The classic, always recognizable Ruby Slippers are no more (*cue horror music*), instead we find that they are actually meant to be silver, SILVER!!! How hard is it to transfer that one little fact from words to motion picture? Was ruby some one's favorite color? Or did we just feel like mixing things up a little bit, cause let me tell you, its scandalous my friend, ruby vs silver, what is this world coming to?


2. Next we are introduced no only to the Good Witch of the North, but also the Good Witch of the South. This I give props to, they managed to combine the two witches by simply naming the Witch of the North after the Witch of the South, very sneaky; and it only makes sense to have one good witch. If you have one bad witch you can't have two good witches; the good vs evil dichotomy just doesn't fit then. It works fine in the book because the second wicked witch is emphasized more, blah blah blah, when in the movie all we ever get from her are the color-confused slippers and shriveled up feet.


3. In the book, during the journey across Winkie Country, which is the ugliest name for a country and would have received a lot of raised eyebrows had it been included in the movie, they encounter a lot more obstacles, such as wolves, bees, crows, and the ever terrifying Winkie Soldiers (*jaws theme song*). In the movie, all they meet is the Wicked Witch of the West and some sleep inducing flowers (NO!!! NOT POPPIES, AHHHHH!!!)


4. Also, in the movie, each "friend" Dorothy picks up along the way, apparently she's a very friendly person, happens to resemble the workers on her farm (only slightly weird), while in the book they don't. Enough said.


5. And what happened to the Golden Cap? Hum? I liked that part; it was like having a genie with three wishes, except they were monkeys and all they could do was fly you three places, but that was still way magical. But no. They just do the bidding of the Wicked Witch of the West, who also happens to resemble somebody from Dorothy's actual life (slightly more weird).


6. But the biggest, most scandalous, inexcusable, anger inducing reality: the Emerald City isn't really emerald!!! Who knew? (except those who have taken time to appreciate the original, and definitely better version of a most beloved film). Obviously someone was having trouble keeping their colors straight.


7. And last, and probably least, at no point do we sing about going "some where over the rainbow," which, to be quite honest, I always fast forward through when watching the movie (*snore*).

More From the Wonderful Wizard of Oz

After being captured, Dorothy loses her silver shoes to the Witch and, out of anger, throws a bucket of water on her. The Witch melts and the soldiers rejoice at being freed from her tyranny. They help to reassemble the scarecrow and tin woodman, who they love so much they ask him to be their new ruler. He agrees to return after he has helped Dorothy get back to Kansas. Dorothy uses the cap to call the Winged Monkeys and have them return her to the Emerald City. Here, she and her companions meet with the wizard and tell him of their deed.

The wizard tries to put them off, telling them to come back tomorrow, but Toto accidentally knocks over a screen revealing an old man who journeyed to Oz long ago in a hot air balloon. He presents the scarecrow with a head full of bran, pins, and needles; the lion with a potion of courage; and the tin woodman with a stuffed heart. Although these tokens are useless, because the scarecrow, lion, and tin woodman believe in the wizard's powers, the items are used a focus for their desires. He then appoints the scarecrow as his successor as ruler over Oz.

The wizard and Dorothy fashion a new hot air balloon out of green silk but when they go to leave Toto jumps out of the balloon and chases after a kitten in the crowd. Dorothy runs after him and the rope holding the balloon breaks, leaving the wizard to float away. Dorothy asks the Winged Monkeys to take her to the balloon but they explain that they can not fly over the desert surrounding Oz.

The Soldier with the Green Whiskers tells Dorothy that the Good Witch of the South, Glinda, may know how to help her return home. So Dorothy, the scarecrow, the lion, and the tin woodman journey to Glinda's place in Quadling Country. On the way they encounter fighting trees, Hammer-Heads, and a giant spider which the lion kills. Out of gratitude, the forest animals ask him to be the new ruler of the forest. He agrees to return to them after he helps Dorothy to return to Kansas. After passing carefully through China Country, Dorothy calls the Winged Monkeys to carry them over the Hammer-Heads' mountain.

Once they reach Glinda's place, she explains that Dorothy had the ability to return home all along, that the Silver Shoes can take her anywhere she wants to go. After saying goodbye, she returns to Kansas and the Silver Shoes are never seen again

The Wonderful Wizard of Oz

Dorothy is a young girl who lives on a Kansas farm with her Uncle Henry, her Aunt Em, and her dot Toto. One day a tornado comes and carries away the house with Dorothy and Toto in it. They land in a field in the country of Munchkins, and right on top of the Wicked Witch of the East. The Good Witch of the North and the Munchkins go out to meet Dorothy and proclaim her a hero for killing the Wicked Witch of the East. Then the Witch of the North gives Dorothy the shoes of the Witch of the East and tells her that to return home she must visit the Wizard of Oz who lives in Emerald City.

On her way down the yellow brick road, Dorothy happens upon a scarecrow who is tied to a pole. After freeing him she persuades him to journey with her to see the Wizard of Oz and ask for a brain. As they continue down the yellow brick road they find a tin woodman who has been rusted still. After restoring his movement, they invite him to join them on their journey to the Emerald City to visit the Wizard of Oz. The tin woodman agrees and confesses that he would love nothing more than to ask for a heart. A little while later, the three travelers happen across a cowardly lion, who they convince to travel with them so that he may attain courage from the wizard.

When they arrive at the Emerald City, the Guardian of the Gates gives them special glasses to wear so that they are not "blinded by the brilliance of Emerald City."

When each person meets with the wizard, he appears as something or someone different. To Dorothy, the wizard appears as a giant head; to the scarecrow: a beautiful women; to the tin woodman: ravenous beast; to the cowardly lion: a great ball of fire.

The wizard agrees to help them but first they must kill the Wicked Witch of the West who rules with terror over the Winkie Country.

As they travel across Winkie Country they are met by wolves, bees, crows, and Winkie soldiers, all of whom were sent by the Witch to stop them. When they manage to get past everything the Witch uses the power of the Golden Cap to summon the Winged Monkeys to capture them all.

Continued . . .

Child? Star

First off, who ever cast John Menga as Dill needs to have their brain checked. Dill is supposed to be this cute little boy with blond, almost white hair. Not a scrawny, sickly little kid with greasy black hair, huge ears, and a serious case of buckteeth mixed with a huge overbite. Sorry, but that just doesn't sound cute to me. Plus, compared to Jem (Phillip Alford) and Scout (Mary Badham) who are absolutely adorable, he looks like a little monster. In the book he comes across as a vulnerable little boy just looking to make some friends, but in the movie all you want to do is grab hold of Jem and Scout and shield them from his wrath of monstrosity.


Otherwise the movie is ok.


The original book by Harper Lee is such a good mix of racial issues mixed with human morals. By convicting Tom Robinson, the jury puts their prejudices ahead of their morals. They know he is innocent, but because he is black they convict him anyway. And when he tries to escape and they kill him instead of just wounding him shows how hard the county was shook by the whole incident. Especially Jem, whose whole idea of justice has just been shattered.


While reading, you can sense the story from every one's point of view. You can understand why Mayella lies, why the townspeople are against Tom Robinson in the beginning, and why Boo Radley never comes out. Even if you don't agree with their choices, you understand why they chose what they did.


Plus the whole "to kill a mockingbird" idea follows you throughout the whole story. Is Boo the mockingbird, or it Tom Robinson? Here we see the death of innocence. To kill a mockingbird is a sin, and yet we do it, again and again.


And then you have the nice little twist of Boo Radley stabbing his own father. After he was convicted of locking the county beadle in the court outhouse his father locked him up in the house for fifteen years. After stabbing his father, he was locked up in the courthouse basement, only to be sent home by insisting county council. Even after his father died and his brother moved in he still wasn't seen and it was rumored that his brother was continuing to keep him locked up. In the end we found out that most of this is a lie; that they're not keeping him locked up, but that he just never leaves the house.

To Kill A Mockingbird

Six-year-old Scout Finch lives in Maycomb, Alabama with her older brother, Jem, and father, Atticus, a widowed lawyer, during the Great Depression. During one summer, they befriend a boy named Dill, who has come to Maycomb to stay with his aunt. The three children become fascinated with their neighbor "Boo" Radley. None of the adults around town like to talk about Boo and he hasn't been seen in years. The children feed their imaginations by making up rumors about Boo Radley amongst themselves and try to think of ways to lure him out of his house. The children have also been finding small gifts that were left in the hole of a tree on the Radley property, and little do they know that these are gestures of affection from the ever mysterious Boo Radley.

Atticus is assigned to defend a black man named Tom Robinson in court for the supposed rape of Mayella Ewell. Much to the disagreement of the community, Atticus agrees to defend Tom Robinson to the best of his ability. At school, Scout stands up for her father when other students make fun of him, even thought Atticus told her not to. Atticus also has do deal with a bit of criticism when a lynching mob turns up at Tom Robinson's jail cell while Atticus is there with him. Before the mob does anything, Scout, Jem, and Dill turn up and guilt the angry crowd into seeing the situation from Atticus and Tom Robinson's point of view.

(Spoilers Ahead)

When the trial comes, Atticus makes it known that he does not want Scout, Jem, or Dill to be present, so instead they watch in secret from the colored balcony. Atticus establishes that both Mayella and her father, Bob Ewell, the town drunk, are lying. He says that the lonely Mayella was looking for a friend and she was the one making sexual advances towards Tom Robinson and her father caught her in the act. Despite this unnerving evidence, the jury convicts Tom and he is sent to prison, where he is later killed for "trying to escape." Humiliated by the trial, Bob Ewell vows revenge on Atticus, and tries to reap it by attacking Jem and Scout on their way home from the school Halloween pageant. In the struggle, Jems arm is broken, but a mysterious man comes to their rescue. He carries Jem home and Scout realizes that he is none other than Boo Radley. The sheriff finds Bob Ewell dead in the forest and, rather than blame it on Jem or Boo, says that he simply fell on his knife when he was attacking the children.

Later, Scout walks Boo home and as she stands on his front porch, looking out on the neighborhood, she is able so see things how he sees them and wishes that she would have repaid him for the gifts he left in the tree and for saving their lives.

In Real Life

Let's start of with some differences between book and movie:

1. The books does a lot more to show just how smart Matilda really is. It lists the books she reads, and the benefits of them. It also talks about how good of a cook she is. In the movie we see her walking to the library and making pancakes, yeah, excellent representation (with heavy sarcasm).

2. Another major difference from movie to book is the idea of Matilda's powers. In the movie, once realizing her powers she quickly is able to use them flawlessly, while in the book it takes much practice and energy before she is really able to control them. (In the book) it is thought that her powers come from all the extra energy she has in her head, which is why she loses them when she goes to college, because she has to think a lot more. In the movie, she just decides to stop using them, for the most part.

3. The movie also appears to take place in America, as opposed to Great Britain. A small difference, but curious in that it was really a necessary change in the first place. Oh well.

4. Another issue not discussed in the movie is the idea of Ms. Honey's poverty and her servitude under the Trunchbull. While it is implied that she suffers under the hand of the Trunchbull, no specific reference is made to show any kind of monetary exchange between them (mainly the giving up of all of Ms. Honey's salary).

5. My favorite difference is the monitoring of all the "violence" that takes place in the book. For example, the girl who is thrown by her pigtails by the Trunchbull does not land on her face, but is saved by Matilda and lands in a field of flowers. Ahhhhh. Or the boy who is thrown from the window for eating candy during class, which is mentioned, but otherwise ignored in the movie.


On a different note, I think the younger version of Matilda should have been the main character in the movie, the one they originally showed going to the library. She was so much cuter and while it was impressive to watch a plain seven year old take care of herself, it would have been better to watch the very cute five year old. But whatever.

Matilda

At five years old, Matilda Wormwood is showing signs of being a child prodigy, much to the indifference of her slimy, stuck up, child favoring parents, who encourage the young girl to watch television instead of reading her beloved books. Left to fend for herself everyday as her parents leave for work (actually, her mom just goes to play bingo) and her rather stupid brother goes to school, she makes regular trips to the library where she practically devourers the books, learning a great deal. Starving for attention, although why she wants attention from people like the Wormwoods I will never know, she amuses herself with little jokes, like super gluing a hat to her father's head and then bleaching his normally black, and very greasy, hair, using her mother's peroxide.

Upon entering school, her vast knowledge is unearthed by her kind and caring teacher, Ms. Honey. Ms. Honey asks to have Matilda moved up, but the vile headmistress, Ms. Trunchbull, refuses, insisting that all children are stupid. Trying to go around the headmistress, Ms. Honey pays Matilda a visit at home, where she is surprised by how indifferent Matilda's parents are to there daughter's unique talents. Meanwhile, at school, the children suffer under the hand of "The Trunchbull," who pays frequent visits to each class to show the teacher a thing or two about how to properly discipline the students, which really is nothing short of child abuse. Her idea of proper discipline ranges from throwing children out of windows to swinging them around by their hair or locking them up in the "Chokey," a small, damp closet with nails sticking out of every side.

(Spoilers Ahead)

During a class inspection one day, Matilda's friend, Lavender, puts a newt in the Trunchbull's water glass. When Matilda is immediately blamed for it she becomes so enraged that the water glass suddenly tips over. This is when she discovers that she as psychokinetic powers (*cue: Twilight Zone theme song*). She confides her secret in Ms. Honey who, in return, invites her to come home for tea. When Matilda finds out that Ms. Honey is living in near poverty, she becomes curious, and Ms. Honey explains that when she was two years old her mother died. Her father, needing help looking after his child, called upon the Trunchbull (*sharp intake of breathe*), who happened to be his wife's sister. When she was five, her father "killed himself," and she was left under the care of the Trunchbull, who more or less employed her as her slave. When Ms. Honey was older, she found a job and moved out, but the Trunchbull insisted that she give her all of her paycheck except for one pound in return for taking care of her for all these years. Too afraid to protest, Ms. Honey agreed.

As revenge, during the next class inspection, Matilda uses her powers to pretend to be the spirit of Ms. Honey's deceased father. The Trunchbull is so scared that she faints and the teachers have to carry her from the class. She doesn't return to school the next day and is never seen again. Ms. Honey is able to move back into her father's house and later adopts Matilda (her father has been doing some shady trading of car parts and the family is now moving to Spain to escape the police). And they obviously live happily ever after.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas

EveryWho Down in Who-ville Liked Christmas a lot...

But the Grinch,Who lived just north of Who-ville, Did NOT!

The Grinch, a bitter, cave dwelling creature, lives at the top of the snowy Mount Crumpit. With his heart "two sizes too small," he looks down from his home with his dog, Max, on the festivities taking place down in Whoville for the upcoming Christmas season. He his jealous of the Who's happiness and decides that he will steal all of the Christmas presents and decorations in an attempt to keep Christmas from coming. After being thwarted by a tiny Who girl, the Grinch learns that Christmas is more than just presents and decorations, and that he in fact can't stop Christmas from coming. Upon returning the presents and decorations back to the people of Whoville, his heart grow three sizes and he is warmly welcomed into the community.

And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight, He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light And he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast! And he...

...HE HIMSELF...! The Grinch carved the roast beast!

Dr. Seuss's "How the Grinch Stole Christmas," has become widely popular, with it's heart warming tale of an outcast learning how to accept others and be accepted, all while being surrounded by the joys of Christmas. Published in 1957, it has been made into two movies, one in 1966 and the other in 2000. The first rendition follows the story line to a "t," while the other version has adapted a slightly different style while still following the same basic story line.

Personally, I think the 2000 version is absolutely terrible. The Grinch isn't portrayed as scary, just disgusting, Cindy Lou does much more than ask for a cup of water, and the Whos cry when the Grinch steals their presents instead of being happy that it was Christmas, with or without the presents. That's the whole moral of the story and they totally twisted it. The presents aren't supposed to matter, and the only time they don't matter is after the Grinch has returned them. Maybe it's just me but I kind of think we're missing the point here.

Beauty Meets Cutie

First off, let me just say that I absolutely love the movie "The Little Mermaid." So incredibly adorable!!! I also love Hans Christian Andersens original story, it is so beautiful. The thing is, I love them separately. Each is unique. The problem is the screen writers shouldn't have tried to base the movie off the book, or at least said that that was were the original idea came from but not the story line. I mean come on, because, you know, a little kids story where a mermaid gets her tail cut in half and then ends up dying is really my idea of a bedtime story, but maybe that's just me (heavy sarcasm). Sure, you could argue the story lines are pretty much the same, a young mermaid falls in love with a human prince, and the antagonist has more or less the same character flaw, being in love blinds them from reality, but all other details are totally different.
On the other hand, I love the subtle details they added into the movie from the book. Like the statue of the prince in her "garden," I didn't catch it at first, but it was a total "AH HA" moment when I did. I didn't like how she actually collected human artifacts though, in the book, the statue was the only thing she had, but in the movie, she sings a whole song about everything she has. I also thought that her sisters should have played a bigger part in the movie. In the book they cut off their hair in the end to save their younger sister, but in the movie, all they do is sing a little, and quite badly if I do say so, during the introduction. They seemed to have replaced the sisters with the king, because he is barely mentioned in the book while he plays a big roll in the movie. I also like how the girl the prince fell for in the book had a beautiful voice, which is why he didn't fall for the Little Mermaid. The same thing happened in the movie, when Ursula uses Ariel's voice to lure in the prince.
While reading the story, I couldn't help but dislike the prince. Obviously the girl who found him on the shore didn't save him, she just happened to be the first one in her group to reach him. All he remembered her for was her beauty, he knew nothing of her personality or dreams. He knew the Little Mermaid, he knew her personality as well as her beauty, and he loved her. He knew how much she loved him, still, instantly upon seeing the other beautful princess, he forgot all about the Little Mermaid.

A Disney Depiction

Ariel (she actually has a name this time), is a sixteen year old mermaid, unhappy with her life under the sea. She is curious about the human world and, with the help of her friend Flounder, a fish, she collects artifacts from the world above. Knowing full well that any contact between merpeople and humans is strictly forbidden, she travels to the surface to watch the birthday celebration for Prince Eric. Ariel, upon seeing the prince, falls madly in love with him; and when a terrible storm hits, she rescues him and returns him to the shore unconscious. She sings to him, but when he begins to stir, she dives back under the water, leaving him with only a vaque impression of the girl with the beautiful voice who saved him. He vows to find her, just as she vows to find a way to join him on land.
(Spoilers Ahead)

When Ariel's father, King Triton, learns of his daughter's adventure, he destroyes all of her human treasures, forbidding her from ever visiting the surface again. Out of anger and desparation, Ariel invokes the help of the evil sea witch, Ursula. Ursula promises to give Ariel legs, but at the cost of her voice, which Ursula captures in a shell she wears around her neck. She also must kiss the prince within three days or she will transform back into a mermaid and belong to Ursula. Ariel recieves her legs and is helped to the surface by her sea friends, no cutting her tail in half, no walking on knives.

On, the shore, she is found by Prince Eric, who at first thinks she is the girl who saved him, but discards that idea when he finds out she cannot speak. He helps her to the palace where the servants decide that she must be a shipwreck survivor. After a few "almost kisses," Ursula becomes worried that Ariel may succeed, so she transforms her self into a human, Vanessa, and gives herself Ariel's voice. Upon hearing Vanessa's "voice" Prince Eric falls into a trance and says that he and Vanessa are to be married the next day.

When Scuttle, the bird, descovers that Vanessa is really Ursula, he hurries to tell Ariel and they both rush off to stop the wedding. When the shell holding Ariel's voice is broken, her voice is returned and Prince Eric is released from his trance. Realising that Ariel is indeed the girl who saved him, he rushes to kiss her, but the sun sets first and Ariel turns back into a mermaid and is captured by Ursula and taken back to her lair. Here, King Triton sacrafices himself for his daughter and Ursula declares herself Queen of the Oceans. Prince Eric and Ariel both fight against Ursula and when she is defeated, all of the spells are lifted and King Triton is freed. Seeing how much Ariel truly loves Eric, he transforms her back into a human so that she might stay with him.

Ah, The Joys of Spell Check

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rarely ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect in it's weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

-- Sauce unknown

The Little Mermaid?

The Little Mermaid lives at the bottom of the sea with her father, grandmother, and five older sisters. When a merperson turns 15, they are allowed to visit the surface and watch the world above water. As each of her older sister's visit, returning with wonderful stories to tell of the suface and the humans, she anxiously awaits her turn. When her turn comes, she visits the surface only to find a ship with a most handsome prince on it. With just this distant glance, she falls head over fins in love with him. Suddenly a great storm hits and the little mermaid saves the prince from drowning. She takes him, unconcious, to shore and waits with him until a young girl comes along. The prince never sees her.


The Little Mermaid askes her grandmother if humans can live for ever if they do not drown. Her grandmother explains that humans actually have a much shorter lifespan than merpeople's 300 years, but when they die their soul lives on in heaven. When merpeople die, they turn to foam and cease to exist. Longing for a soul and the prince, visits the Sea Witch. The Sea Witch tells her that in exchange for human legs, she must give her her tongue, for the Little Mermaid has the most beautiful voice. She explains that drinking the potion which will transform her tail into legs will make her feel like a blade is being pasted through her and whenever she walks it will feel as if she is walking on knives. Also, she will only get her soul if the prince loves her and marries her, for then they will share one soul. If the prince marries someone else, at the dawn of the first day after the marriage, the Little Mermaid will die of a brokenheart and will turn to foam, without love and without a soul. Needless to say, she drinks the potion anyway.

(Spoilers Ahead)

Once on shore, she meets the well-to-do prince, who falls for her beauty and grace, even though she is a mute, though who could be graceful while walking on knives, I cannot say. Most of all, he likes to watch her dance. When the prince's father tells him the that he is to marry the neighboring kingdom's princess, the prince tells the Little Mermaid that he will not, for he does not love her. He explains how he only loves the temple girl, the one who found him on the shore after the Little Mermaid rescued him from drowning. He hints, though, that the Little Mermaid is starting to take her place in his heart.Upon meeting the princess, he discovers that she is the temple girl who he was in love with, she had been sent to the temple to be educated.


The prince marries the princess and the Little Mermaid's heart breaks, but before dawn, her sisters give her a knife that they got from the Sea Witch in exchange for their hair. If she kills the prince with the knife, she will turn back into a mermaid and live. Unable to bring herself to do it, at dawn, she jumps into the sea and dissolves into foam. Instead of dying, though, she becomes a spirit, a daughter of the air. The other daughters explain that by doing good, she will earn her eternal soul and rise to heaven.

A Surprisingly Good Rendition

In this non-literary portrayal of "Of Mice and Men," the very challenged Lenny (John Malkovich) is seen strolling along in a carefree style alongside George (Gary Sinise). The picture lightens as they make their way to the clearing in the forest. Birds are singing, and squirrels are chattering, as the brook bubbles happily in the background. Curlely is played by Casey Siemaszko, Curley's wife is played by Sherilyn Fenn, Slim is played by John Terry, Candy is played by Ray Walston, and Crooks is played by Joe Morton.

Whoever wrote the script for this film should receive no credit whatsoever!!! Each line is taken exactly from John Steinbeck's original story. EVERY LINE!!! I realize that viewers get mad when the screen writers deviate from the original story line, but playing out the book line for line is taking it a little too far. I've read the book, I know what happens, add a little scandal, more of a climax. I'm not saying that we should leave out entire chunks of the story, but maybe just tweak a few minor details.

On the plus side, I think that whoever put the cast together did a really good job of picking out the characters. Everyone was recognizable in that they matched the book's description of their character surprisingly well. Seeing as anyone who read the book would view the characters differently, it's very hard to find someone who fits under multiple descriptions. Although they followed the storyline a little too well, there was nothing to complain about when it came to the actual characters.

Of Mice And Men?

This classic American tale depicts two men making there own way through the world. George, the smart one, is caretaker of Lenny, who has a nasty habit of unintentional killing things. Due to a run in between Lenny and "a girl with a very soft dress," the two are forced to flee their jobs and set out in search of a new town where no one knows of their past. Coming upon a ranch, they inquire about be taken on and begin working the next day. Here we meet a variety of new characters.

First on the list is Curley's wife, we never know her actual name, who is often referred to as a 'tramp' or 'tart' or a variety of other lovely nicknames which really do actually depict her everyday nature. Next we are introduced to Curley, the boss's son, whose ego guides him through every minute of the day; known for his easy tempter mixed with quick jealousy. Crooks, the black stable-hand, single-handedly handles the moral wrongs of segregation subtly hinted at throughout the story. After Crooks we meet Slim, who lacks a character flaw, and it always looked to for advice by the other workers. Lastly we meet Candy and his very old dog. Candy is an old ranch hand that is worried that his old age is making him useless.

George is always telling Lenny stories of the future when they will have their own ranch. Candy buys into the stories and asks to be invited along, to which George grudgingly agrees. As the story progresses, Lenny and George are accepted by all the other workers, except for Curley. Looking for an easy target, Curley picks a fight with Lenny, only to have him hand crushed by him.
(Some Spoilers Ahead, but if you've read this far part of the story has already kinda been ruined)

Then, after accidentally killing a puppy, Lenny is visited by Curley's wife. She explains how lonely she is because Curley never pays any attention to her. Noticing the dead puppy, she consoles Lenny and she offers to let him feel how soft her hair is (who saw that one coming?). Lenny grabs on too hard and when Curley's life begins to struggle against him he accidentally breaks her neck, killing her. Realizing what he's done, Lenny runs for it. When Curley finds his wife, he sends out all the workers to find Lenny. George is the first one to find him and he shoots him in the back of the head out of mercy.

Person Opinion:
I thought that the overall story was actually pretty good, although I started with much suspicion, seeing as we were required to read it for school and usually their assigned books are not the best. The plot line would be dry if Curley's wife weren't in there to add a little scandal, though.

First Ever Real Life Post . . .

So, um, I guess I have a blog now. To be honest, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing, I just hit the button that appeals to me the most at the moment, and voila, words. It's kind of an impulse thing, gotta go with my gut instinct, ya know, testing the water, seein' what else is out there. I'm the new kid in town. There's plenty of fish in the sea, and I want to be a shark!!!
So I'm sure you're wondering what the heck 'I Pa'ipunahele Hau'oli means, and if not, feel free to skip this paragraph, because I'm about to explain. It started off with me trying to translate "I love books" from English to Hawaiian. A simple enough sentence, I figured it would be no trouble at all to get it translated, but no, here I've been for about an hour now, rifling through website after website, looking for a simple translator. Most of them were trying to sell me "great and affordable tickets for the whole family," needless to say, I wasn't interested. Finally I found a semi-promising site. I translate the word "I," which turned out to be I, that was a real shocker right there. After recovering from that lapse insanity, I translated "love," as you can see, love is much bigger than our simple four lettered counterpart. Then it turned out that there is no Hawaiian translation directly for book, apparently when saying book, they just substitute the word "happiness." So technically, my title says "I love happiness," which is true, just not exactly what I was going for. In case you are wondering, I myself am not Hawaiian, nor is anyone in my family, or anyone I know. To be honest, I was surprised that they actually had their own language (no offense to any Hawaiians out there), I just figured they spoke English and said "Aloha" instead of "Hi."
From that very subtle introduction, I'm sure you would have never of guessed what this blog will be about. Books. Lots and lots of BOOKS!!! (and a few movies, and maybe a little music) A personal favorite of mine is books made into movies, because rarely do they turn out good. It's really kind of hard to talk too much about music because there's more to it than a story line, it has more background than any book or movie.

Dare to disagree?

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

More blind jokes

A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."

Joke

Q: Why don't blind people skydive?
A: It scares the heck out of the dog!!!