i choose . . . you

Polygamy: according to wikipedia it is the practice of multiple marriage

Then how come all polygamists are men?

Because no woman in her right mind would have multiple husbands.

or else

The Phantom of the Opera in 15 minutes. I triple dog dare ya.

top 101 "disney" songs

so i know that not all of these are disney movies, but i couldn't leave them out, they're too good

1. circle of life (the lion king)
2. a whole new world (aladdin)
3. beauty and the beast (beauty and the beast)
4. colors of the wind (pocahontas)
5. i stand alone (quest for camelot)
6. the bells of notre dame (the hunchback of notre dame)
7. under the sea (the little mermaid)
8. i'll make a man out of you (mulan)
9. two worlds (tarzan)
10. let me be your wings (thumbelina)
11. the lion sleeps tonight (the lion king 2)
12. candle on the water (pete's dragon)
13. can you feel the love tonight (the lion king)
14. once upon a dream (sleeping beauty)
15. i won't say (i'm in love) (hercules)
16. he lives in you (the lion king 2)
17. out there (the hunchback of notre dame)
18. looking through your eyes (quest for camelot)
19. once upon a december (anastasia)
20. be our guest (beauty and the beast)
21. the unbirthday song (alice in wonderland)
22. heaven's light/hellfire (the hunchback of notre dame)
23. when you wish upon a star (pinocchio)
24. go the distance (hercules)
25. so this is love (cinderella)
26. a girl worth fighting for (mulan)
27. i just can't wait to be king (the lion king)
28. belle (beauty and the beast)
29. god help the outcasts (the hunchback of notre dame)
30. some day my prince will come (snow white and the seven dwarves)
31. the prayer (quest for camelot)
32. the bare necessities (the jungle book)
33. hakuna matata (the lion king)
34. just around the riverbend (pocahontas)
35. a star is born (hercules)
36. kiss the girl (the little mermaid)
37. strangers like me (tarzan)
38. bella notte (lady and the tramp)
39. friend like me (aladdin)
40. the second star to the right (peter pan)
41. upendi (the lion king 2)
42. arabian nights (aliddin)
43. you'll be in my heart (tarzan)
44. a dream is a wish your heart makes (cinderella)
45. gaston (beauty and the beast)
46. everybody wants to be a cat (the aristocats)
47. part of your world (the little mermaid)
48. i wanna be like you (the jungle book)
49. cruella de vil (101 dalmations)
50. reflection (mulan)
51. united we stand (quest for camelot)
52. heigh-ho (snow white and the seven dwarves)
53. we are one (the lion king 2)
54. the court of miracles (the hunchback of notre dame)
55. be prepared (the lion king)
56. i wonder (sleeping beauty)
57. prince ali (aladdin)
58. the gospel truth (hercules)
59. following the leader (peter pan)
60. journey to the past (anastasia)
61. a spoonful of sugar (mary poppins)
62. when i see an elephant fly (dumbo)
63. steady as the beating drum (pocahontas)
64. son of man (tarzan)
65. supercalifragilisticexpialidocious (mary poppins)
66. something there (beauty and the beast)
67. love will find a way (the lion king 2)
68. topsy turvy (the hunchback of notre dame)
69. follow your heart (thumbelina)
70. learn to do it (anastasia)
71. you can fly! you can fly! you can fly! (peter pan)
72. one jump ahead (aladdin)
73. zero to hero (hercules)
74. what made the red man red (peter pan)
75. honor to us all (mulan)
76. bibbidi bobbidi boo (cinderella)
77. i've got no strings (pinocchio)
78. pink elephants on parade (dumbo)
79. siamese cat song (lady and the tramp)
80. that's what makes the world go round (the sword in the stone)
81. best of friends (the fox and the hound)
82. the age of not believing (bedknobs and broomsticks)
83. let's go fly a kite (mary poppins)
84. on my father's wings (quest for camelot)
85. little april shower (bambi)
86. casey junior (dumbo)
87. savages (pocahontas)
88. whistle while you work (snow white and the seven dwarves)
89. someone's waiting for you (the rescuers)
90. if i didn't have you (quest for camelot)
91. a guy like you (the hunchback of notre dame)
92. a pirate's life (peter pan)
93. oh sing sweet nightingale (cinderella)
94. chitty chitty bang bang (chitty chitty bang bang)
95. jolly holiday (mary poppins)
96. give a little whistle (pinocchio)
97. he's a tramp (lady and the tramp)
98. poor unfortunate souls (the little mermaid)
99. i'm wishing (snow white and the seven dwarves)
100. baby mine (dumbo)
101. feed the birds (mary poppins)

the sad thing is that i can think of so many more

it doesn't matter that this isn't real, it doesn't matter

it's short, i promise, so please, just watch, and comment

half and half

how to impress a girl from ancient history to now

Curious?

please call our toll free number

how to turn your car into an unstoppable murder machine in 8 easy steps

reflecting on my blog

Blogging. Well. If we are being brutally and completely honest, most of the time I felt like an absolute loser for having a blog and keeping up with it. Not that I'm saying that only losers have blogs. Just that me having one made me feel like a loser. At times I got really into it. I would keep up with the word count and even have extra posts. This was the worst. At one point I even started to talk about it in public. Bad. Bad. Bad. Again, no offence to those of you who enjoy blogging, it just isn't my "thing". Mostly I just wanted to have a bunch of followers so that other people would see that I had a lot of followers and follow my blog as well because they thought that it must have been good since I had so many followers. I don't think I said follow/followers enough in that last sentence. Followers. Follow. Followers. Anyway, overall I thought I did ok. At first I talked about boring things like books. But eventually I realized that if I didn't want to read about books someone else had read, nobody else probably did either. For a while I had no topic in general that I was writing about. Actually, until I was stuck under the "Pop Culture" category, I just wrote about anything I could think of that I thought I could say a lot about. Let me say though, having a somewhat specific thing to write about definitely helped me to come up with ideas of what to say. Even now I still have trouble filling the word count. Currently at 272. (*exasperated sigh*) As for the continuance of this blog, I think I can truthfully say that I will more than likely never visit it again. Maybe I will leave it up/out/not delete it and then revisit it next year to see how many people have looked at it/commented on it in my absence, most of them probably after clicking on that next blog thing, which is really kind of cool; plus, I had no idea that so many people around the world had blogs, I thought it was just an american thing. While I think that I would have preferred blogging to writing in journals it is hard to say without having done both. This just always seemed like the faster way to get it done. Not necessarily easier. But faster.

still

same thing as before, but with virginia woolf. blue= bad. pink= good.

Original:
Virginia Woolf
The most prominent British woman writer of our century, Virginia Woolf was born in London in 1882, the youngest daughter of Sir Leslie Stephen, a leading critic and editor. Frail in health as a child, she was educated mainly at home in her father's library. In 1904 she settled in the Bloomsbury district of London, joining an intellectual circle that came to include economist John Maynard Keynes and biographer Lytton Strachey. In 1917 she and her husband, Leonard Woolf, established the Hogarth Press, publisher of her own novels and of the first translated works of Sigmund Freud. In the 1920s her novels won wide attention[s]. Woolf's techniques were then new and radical: in Mrs. Dalloway (1925) she explores characters' streams of consciousness; in Orlando (1928) her Elizabethan hero defies time and lives for centuries, changing into a woman in midlife. As an essayist and critic, Woolf is remembered especially for The Common Reader (in two series, 1925 and 1932), The Death of the Moth (1942), and A Room of One's Own (1929). In 1941, depressed by ill health and by World War II, she weighted her pockets with stones and stepped into a river.

My version:
Virgin Wolf
The most promint (that is pro-mint, as in for mint) British woman of cent, Gini Woo, was born in Loo in 18, the youngest dater of Sir Lies Pen, a lad critic and editor. Frail as a child, he was mainly a she. The Boobs of London, a circle that Jo Man Keys, grapler Lytton Achey, and her husband, Lord Woof, established the Hog Press pub. Heron novels and the first translated works of Sig Fred won wide anions. Woofs were radical. Mrs. Dallay explores streams of cons. Orlando, her Elizabethan hero, defies Tim and lives for cents, changing into a woman, ass, and critic. Woolf remembered the como rad death moth and a room of sow. I[m]pressed by ill health and old weight she stepped into a river.

Again, much better.

wrong

the statement given about henry david thoreau on the essay the battle of the ants. yeah. it's wrong. i fixed it though. here is the original paragraph, everything in blue is what i got rid of, everything in pink is what is left.

Henry David Thoreau (1817- 1862) was born in Concord Massachusetts, where, except for short excursions, he remained [so] for the whole of his life. After his graduation from Harvard College, he taught school briefly, worked sometime as surveyor and house painter, and for a time worked in his father's pencil factory (and greatly improved the product). The small sales of his first, self-published book, A Week on the Concord and Merrimac Rivers (1849), led him to remark, "I have now a library of nearly nine hundred volumes, over seven hundred of which I wrote myself."
The philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson befriended his neighbor Thoreau; but although the two agreed that a unity exists between man and nature, they did not always see eye to eye on matters of politics. Unlike Emerson, Thoreau was an activist. He helped escaped slaves flee to Canada; he went to jail rather than pay his poll tax to a government that made war against Mexico. He recounts this brush with the law in his essay "Civil Disobedience" (1849), in which later readers (including Mahatma Gandhi of India and Martin Luther King Jr.) have found encouragement for their own non-violent resistance. One other book appeared in Thoreau's life time: Walden (1854), a searching account of his life in (and around, and beyond) the one-room cabin he built for himself at Walden Pond near Concord. When Thoreau lay dying, an aunt asked whether he had made his peace with God. "I did not know we had quarreled," he replied.

So now it reads:
Henry David Thoreau was short, he remained so for the whole of his life. After his graduation from Harvard College, he taught briefly as a house painter in his father's pencil factory and greatly improved his-self. A week on the Concord and Merrimac rivers led him to remark "I have now a library over myself."
The Waldo merson (as in mer-maid, mer-son) befriended his butt. The two agreed that a unity exits between man and nature, they did not always see eye to eye on matters of tics. Unlike merson, Thoreau was a slave to Canada; he went to jail rather than pay Mexico. He recounts this brush with Mahatma Gandhi. India and Marti the King Jr. have found encouragement for their own violent pear. In Thoreau's lifetime his life he built for himself. When Thore lay dying, an ant asked whether he had made squirrel. He lied.

Short, sweet, and to the point.

why you should learn how to knit

this post has nothing to do with knitting.

two new people stories.

scene one: team. at a game. in waterloo? playing. winning. by a lot. me. standing. girl on the other team. running. running. running into me. girl turns. girl glares. girl says why don't you watch where you're going. scowl. what? seriously? why don't you get out of my way? except i'm not the one who ran into you. *sigh*

take two: this one is entirely my fault. me. in ap chem. 6th hour. end of the day. tired. have a question. ask snook. snook runs away. i follow her. quickly. snook. running. running. running. me. running. running. running. sliding. sliding. sliding. falling. falling. falling. BAM. lots of pain. major embarrassment. land behind the counter. have to stand up behind it in front of class. lots of laughter. still embarrassed.

beg pardon!?!

check out these websites that, at first glance, appear to be not so, um, appealing. BEWARE. some of these are pretty bad.



the first one is a site called Who Represents where you can find out what agents represent which celebraties, their website name: http://www.whorepresents.com/, very child friendly

next we visit Experts Exchange where programmers can go to discuss and exchange ideas, visit them at http://www.expertsexchange.com/

looking for a reliable therapist? someone who makes you feel comfortable and right at home? check out Therapist finder at http://www.therapistfinder.com/. not working out for ya? maybe you'd be better off at http://www.accesstherapist.com/


also, for those of you interested in checking out the Mole Station Native Nursery located in New South Wales, take a look at their website http://www.molestationnursery.com/


need a new computer? check out the software at http://www.ipanywhere.com/. not satisfied? maybe you should talk to the experts at Web One, that's http://www.webone.com/

teachers, there are websites out there for you as well. get the latest updates on what's happening in the classroom at http://www.teacherstalk.com/

art has taken it to a new level. visit Speed of Art at http://www.speedofart.com/ to see what i mean. its even better than her sister site, http://www.potsofart.com/

hey all you taekwondo fans out there, visit the World Taekwondo Federation at http://www.wtf.com/

looking for a relaxing get away? take a trip to Lake Tahoe. for more information, visit http://www.gotahoe.com/


i just have a few things to say to these websites. first, doesn't anybody proof this before putting it out there for the world to see? second, what kind of a moron doesn't catch something like that? and third, my favorite one would have to be the speedofart one. too good. and i can actually see how they might have originally missed something like that. and now i just need 100 more words for this week so i am just going to type until i reach my marker. so some ridiculous security system thing keeps poping up and trying to guilt me into buy some new anti virus software, which i probably should do, but won't. it keeps asking if i would like to install it but instead of asking me to choose a simple yes or no, i have to pick between, no, i would rather leave me computer unprotected or yes, please save my computer from potential harmful viruses. what is all this about? it might as well be asking whether i would like my computer to crash now or if another time would be more convenient. i just need seven more words. done.

dance crazes over the ages

50s


lindy hop- pretty much just a couple swinging each other around like crazy

the stroll- girls on one side and boys on the other and the line moved up as each couple would meet one at a time in the center at the beginning of the line and stroll to the music down the line between the others and take their place at the end of the line, sounds like loads of fun if you ask me

the hand jive- if you don't know, i am not telling you

the alligator- you lay down on the floor, bend your knees to your stomach, then kick your legs (alternating) from your knees down



60s


the twist- take a wild guess what this one looked like, unfortunately this was one of those moves that was popular among both teens and their parents

mashed potato- hop around and pretend you are mashing potatoes with your feet, more or less

the monster mash- same as the mashed potato except you hold your arms in a "ghoulish" positions


the madison- step left forward, place right beside left (no weight)and clap, step back on right, move left foot back and across the right, move left foot to the left, move left foot back and across the right

the freddie- simply stand in place, then, in rhythm with the music first extend the left leg and left arm; then the right leg and right arm, way exciting

70s

the robot- yeah, it's been around a while

the hustle- california or night fever line?

bus stop- take 4 steps backwards, clap, take 4 steps forward, clap, grapevine to the right, clap, grapevine to the left, clap, right heel forward, left heel forward, 2 Heel clicks, right heel forward, left heel forward, right foot front, right foot back, right foot to the right side, lift right leg while quarter- turning left; i couldn't do it justice on my own

80s

the african anteater ritual- you'll have to see Can't Buy Me Love for this one, way too hard to explain but definitely worth seeing

the chinese typewriter- jump from side to side, toes in, toes out

the fishing pole- cast a line, reel it in, repeat

moonwalk- you move one foot backwards keeping all your foot on the floor while your static foot has its heel raised, keep changing foots, it should look as if you are walking forward but the floor is pulling you back, a MJ classic, what a guy

90s

hammer dance- my dad claims to have done this one, says it was very popular with the ladies, by M.C. Hammer, he wore those baggy genie pants, keep legs wide apart, slightly bents, shuffle quickly one way, then the other, yeah, hot stuff

the jump- bet cha can't guess what this one looked like

tootsee roll- knees in, knees out, knees in, knees out, can you say scandalous?

macarena- anyone and their grandma could do this dance, how did it become a craze?

moshing or a mosh pit- not really a dance move but definitely a dance craze, don't worry though, being part of the nineties means your parents didn't do it, hopefully

two for the price of one

Gosh i love people. they are so fabulous. you have no idea. really, you have no idea.



Scene one: sitting in my least favorite class waiting for my least favorite teacher to arrive. the kid next to me leans over. wait for it. wait for it. and asks me how to spell paper. no joke. i look at him to see if he is kidding. no. he is totally serious and seriously unabashed for having to ask such a degrading question. just sitting there, waiting for my answer. um? p-a-p-e-r. thanks. er, no problem. (*are you sure you are right place? this is high school.)


Take two: me. walking to a soccer meeting. walking down the hall. hear something. see three . . . rappers(?) come around the corner. one is "singing/rapping", one is making funny noises, one is kinda dancing in a weird sort of way. they are coming towards me. i try not to laugh. they stop before we pass one another. i am offered a spot in their upcoming dance video. after regretfully reclining i continue on my way. such a shame. i really do not know what to say. flattered, i am sure.

6 truths of life

1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.

2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it.

3. The first truth is a lie.

4. You’re smiling now because you’re an idiot.

5. You soon will test this out on another idiot.

6. There’s still a stupid smile on your face.

(authoritative voice) i have located the origin of the swine flu

prepare yourself for something truly horrible
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i mean absolutely terrifying
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you may want to sit down for this
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the girl has got to go

my favorite spoofs

a very short list, for now, plus, some of these aren't actually spoofs off other movies, more just like spoofs in general:

1. Airplane (1980) - Starring Leslie Nielsen, Robert Hayes, Kareem Abdul Jabbar, Julie Hagerty, Robert Stack, Lloyd Bridges and Peter Graves.

Favorite quote: There is none really, just a whole bunch of great ones equally, here are a few...

Ted Striker: My orders came through. My squadron ships out tomorrow. We're bombing the storage depots at Daiquiri at 1800 hours. We're coming in from the north, below their radar.
Elaine Dickinson: When will you be back?
Ted Striker: I can't tell you that. It's classified.

Roger Murdock: We have clearance Clarence.
Captain Oveur: Roger, Roger.
What's our vector Victor?
Tower voice: Tower's radio clearance, over!
Captain Oveur: That's Clarence Oveur! Oveur.
Tower voice: Roger.
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Tower voice: Roger, over.
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Captain Oveur: Huh?

Rumack: Captain, how soon can you land?
Captain Oveur: I can't tell.
Rumack: You can tell me. I'm a doctor.
Captain Oveur: No. I mean I'm just not sure.
Rumack: Well, can't you take a guess?
Captain Oveur: Well, not for another two hours.
Rumack: You can't take a guess for another two hours?

Favorite Scene:
Really just the whole thing.


2. Robin Hood- Men In Tights (1993) - Funny scenes throughout, good British sounding performance by Cary Elwes as Robin, Richard Lewis as Prince John and Dave Chappelle as Ahchoo.

Favorite quote:
Prince John: Such an unusual name, "Latrine." How did your family come by it?
Latrine: We changed it in the 9th century.
Prince John: You mean you changed it TO "Latrine"?
Latrine: Yeah. Used to be "S$%thouse."
Prince John: It's a good change. That's a good change!

Favorite Scene:
Robin and Little John fight one another with big sticks and each hit snaps their sticks in half, they are eventually reduced to 4 inch sticks and resort to hand slapping.


3. Young Frankenstein (1974) - Starring Gene Wilder, Peter Boyle, Madeleine Kahn and Teri Garr.

Favorite quote:
Igor: Dr. Frankenstein...
Dr. Friedrich von Frankenstein: "Fronkensteen."
Igor: You're putting me on.
Dr. Friedrich von Frankenstein: No, it's pronounced "Fronkensteen."
Igor: Do you also say "Froaderick"?
Dr. Friedrich von Frankenstein: No... "Frederick."
Igor: Well, why isn't it "Froaderick Fronkensteen"?
Dr. Friedrich von Frankenstein: It isn't; it's "Frederick Fronensteen."
Igor: I see.
Dr. Friedrich von Frankenstein: You must be Igor. [He pronounces it ee-gor.]
Igor: No, it's pronounced "eye-gor."
Dr. Friedrich von Frankenstein: But they told me it was "ee-gor."
Igor: Well, they were wrong, weren't they?

Favorite scene:
Everytime Frau Blucher's name is mentioned.


4. The Producers (2005) - Starring Nathan Lane, Matthew Broderick, Uma Thurman, Will Ferrell, Gary Beach, and Roger Bart.

Favorite Quote:
Roger De Bris: Oh dear, your Mr. Bloom is staring at my gown. I should explain. I'm going to the choreographer's ball this evening. There is a prize for best costume.
Carmen Ghia: We always win.
Roger De Bris: I'm not so sure about this year. I'm supposed to be the Grand Dutchess Anastasia, but I think I look more like the Chrysler Building!
Carmen Ghia: Well, as far as I'm concerned, without your wig on, you're only half-dressed.
Roger De Bris: Well then, why don't you go and get it, o Wicked Witch of the West? [pause]
Carmen Ghia: If your intention was to shoot an arrow through my heart... bulls-eye!

Favorite Scene:
The song that follows this quote, "Keep It Gay!".

nothing is what it seems

Something is wrong here. Really? I mean really? Whose idea was this? Pride and Prejudice . . . and Zombies? Of course it was written by a guy. What's next, Sense and Sensability . . . and The Boogie Man? Emma . . . and the Werewolf? Lady Susan . . . is a Ghost? Settle in for a story, so yesterday I was wandering around Barnes and Noble, like a loser, when an older lady walked up to me and ask me if we carried this book. My first instict was to explain to her that I didn't work there, but then I did a bit of a double take. Did you say and zombies? i asked. Yes, she said. Then we both burst into laughter, and she bought the book. And while it was funny at the time i'm sure you really don't care now.

please, shut up

we all know one, those people who are so annoying you begin to seriously contemplate some form of homicide, those who you walk into class with knowing that you die a little more each day just being around them, those ridiculous people who just can't seem to get over themselves for no apparent reason, that little voice in the back of the room that vehemently refuses to cease the steady stream of utterly useless comments about absolutely nothing, and i'd just like to take the time to say that i hate you, i really hate you.

you know who you are

you know you're from Iowa when . . .

1. You measure distance in minutes
2. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your pine tree (that's some fancy livin')
3. Weather is 90% of your conversation (so . . .)
4. Down south to you means Missouri
5. Snow tires came standard on your car
6. You have no concept of public transportation
7. The top 5% of your graduation high school class went to Iowa State -- everyone else attended the U of I
8. You know more than one person who has hit a deer (i also know a person who hit more than one deer at a time)
9. You have no problem spelling "Des Moines"
10. You know the answer to the question, "Is this Heaven?"
11. Your school classes have been canceled because of cold (yup)
12. Your school classes have been canceled because of heat (yup)
13. You know what the numbers I-80, 280, 380 mean
14. You know what "Amish Country" is
15. You've licked frozen metal (for one reason or another)
16. The only reason you go to Wisconsin or Missouri is to get fireworks
17. You wear shorts when it's 50 degrees out in March, but bundle up and complain in August when it goes below 60 degrees
18. You have gone Trick-or-Treating in two feet of snow
19. You carry jumper cables in your car (and you know how to use them)
20. In a conversation you heard someone say "Yah sure you betcha" or "No, I never" or "Not once ever even" and you didn't laugh
21. Detasseling was your summer job
22. People from other states love to hear you say "Iowa" and other words with "Os" in them
23. You know what "Hawks" and "Clones" are
24. You can't drive 5 miles without passing at least one church (or three)
25. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway
26. Vacation means going to Adventureland or Okoboji (par-tay!)
27. You "warsh" your clothes
28. You see a car running in the parking lot at the grocery store with no one in it, no matter what time of year it is (what's the worst thing that could happen)
29. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or vegetable
30. When asked how your trip to any foreign, exotic place was you respond "It was different."
31. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car
32. Little smokies are something you serve on special occasions
33. You've never met a TV celebrity (local newpeople don't count)
34. You've gone hunting for morel mushrooms
35. You use phrases like "catty wampus" and "knee high by the fourth of July"
36. There's a tornado and the whole town is outside watching for it
37. You get up a 5:30 am and go to the coffee shop
38. You pick up all the free stuff at the state fair (guilty)

how many are you guilty of? probably too many.

that is most unfortunate

that's not what i meant

having a little fun with google suggest, try this:

type in "what does it mean" and see what suggestions it gives you, my favorite would have to be "what does it mean when your poop is green", because apparently there were enough people looking this up to cause it to become an automatic suggestion. really? or how about "why can't i", yeah, it comes up with more, this time my favorite being "why can't i just eat my waffle?". fabulous. here's another, type in "why are you" and it'll give you "why are you wearing that stupid man suit" as your second option. i don't even know what that means. last one, type in "bears are" and i like the one that says "bears are investors who anticipate increases in stock prices". good stuff.

who doesn't hate bad drivers? it's one of those inevitable things that just plain ruins your day. worse, are bad drivers causing traffic jams. really i just wanted to show you some pictures but because my word count is a little shy i need to ramble a just a bit first. my biggest annoyance is the leaving on of the blinkers. it's not that i can't tell when or if you are trying to turn, it's just that persistant blink that really gets to me. blink, blink, blink. i wish there was some way i could communicate to you that your blinker is still on. but i can't. now you can look at the pictures.

stop, study time

pretty much these are just fool proof ways of passing any test. i mean really, calculus: covered, algebra: covered, biology: covered, chemistry: covered, physics: covered, the study of human nature: covered; so don't bother studying, cause it would actually just be a major waste of your time. instead you should spend you newly freed up schedule doing something more exciting, like, i don't know, anything, perhaps just being content with yourself for making the excellent decision of doing nothing. very smart, very smart.

The Second, and shorter, Movie Meme

1. Richard: Oh my God, I'm getting pulled over. Everyone, just... pretend to be normal.
2. Woman: She's wonderful! Where ever did you find her? Man: 976-BABE.
3. Here is the primate example. You raise a doll-chopping homicidal maniac, and what do you do every time you see him? You give him money. Great!
4. I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.
5. This guy's a restraining order waiting to happen.
6. Relax, would you? We have seventy dollars and a pair of girls underpants. We're safe as kittens. - 16 Candles - as discovered by Ms. Mixmaster Mack
7. If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour... you're gonna see some serious shit.
8. "Yesssssssssssssssssssssss? sss?" - The Producers- as discovered by Ms. Roxanne Beta
9. Andy crawled to freedom through five hundred yards of shit smelling foulness I can't even imagine, or maybe I just don't want too. - Shawshank Redemption- as discovered by Ms. Roxanne Beta
10. Gang Kid: Hey what kinda accent is that man? What planet are ya from? Man in other car: Vat Planet? The planet of not wanting to be die, by a drive by SHOOTING!
11. Woman: You wore control-top pantyhose? Man: You put a pair in the pink box. Woman: [laughs] And how did you look in them? Man: Hot.
12. Man: What about you? You don't have any needs? Woman: No. I'm Jesus. - 27 Dresses - as discovered by Ms. Roxanne Beta
13. Where's the goddam toaster?
14. I have traveled many miles and now have come disguised as a pimp to help you.
15. Man: Say, have you seen anything of a mean, fresh, kid, about ye big? Answers to the name of Pete. Boy: Half of the kids here in this town answer to Pete. Other half don't answer. - Pete's Dragon - as discovered by Ms. Mojo Jojo
16. Ned... Ryerson. "Needlenose Ned"? "Ned the Head"? C'mon, buddy. Case Western High. I did the whistling belly-button trick at the high school talent show? Bing. Ned Ryerson, got the shingles real bad senior year, almost didn't graduate? Bing, again. Ned Ryerson, I dated your sister Mary Pat a couple of times until you told me not to anymore? Well?
17. "Ashes to ashes and dust to dust. Show me a man that a woman can trust. Now where did it say that on the eighth day He dusteth?"
18. Mother: Who is down there with you, Mary? Mary: It's George Bailey, mother. Mother: George Bailey? What does he want? Mary: I don't know! [to George] What do you want? George Bailey: Me? Nothing! I just came in to get warm, is all. Mary: [pause] He's making violent love to me, mother!
19. "Hey - check this out! I found the ass end!"
20. "I hope you'll be at cheerleading tryouts. We'll have so much fun and get to be lifelong friends."
21. Jump Back! - Footloose - as discovered by Ms. Roxanne Beta
22. I don't belong here, I feel it, don't you think I feel it. I can't do any of these vile things and I wouldn't WANT to. Oh, my life is like death. My children are the spawn of hell, and you're the devil. Oh God.
23. Oh sweet Jesus, who gave that woman an amp?
24. What do you want me to do, dress in drag and do the hula?
25. Ugh, I can actually hear you getting fatter.

here are the answers to the ones that nobody got last time:

7. "Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic and so am I." - What About Bob?
12. [Man karate-chops the tops off three beer bottles] Boy: How did you do that? How did you do that? Man: Don't know. First time. -The Karate Kid
14. "That man... is a brownie hound." - The Breakfast Club
19. Man 1: Who are you, and why are you doing this? Man 2:We are bad men, and for the money! - The Count of Monte Cristo
20. "I tell you what I'd like to do - I'd like to fold a Playboy centrefold into every one of Reverend Shaw's hymnbooks!" - Footloose
21. "Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say "YES"!" - Ghostbusters
22. "Imagine you're a deer. You're prancing along. You get thirsty. You spot a little brook. You put your little deer lips down to the cool, clear water - BAM. A fuckin' bullet rips off part of your head. Your brains are lying on the ground in little bloody pieces. Now I ask ya, would you give a fuck what kind of pants the son-of-a-bitch who shot you was wearing?" - My Cousin Vinny
23. "Only one thing in the world could've dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window." - A Christmas Story
27. "Have you anymore to say, Master Nude?" - A Knights Tale
29. "Mother pus bucket. So . . . she's a dog." - Ghostbusters
30. "Aunt Clara had for years labored under the delusion that I was not only perpetually 4 years old, but also a girl." - A Christmas Story

don even worry about it

the 'ceasing to care' feeling has already begun to settle in

that's what you think

After watching the movie Conspiracy Theories, I went to see what other ones I could find, and let me say, there are some weird people out there with way too much time on their hands. One of my favorite conspiracy theories is the one involving Bush and the New World Order. Apparently he is an insider of the plan which means to create a One World Government. This would involve the taking over of the world via Communism and power hunger billionaires. Fun, no?



Another juicy theory includes the "sex files" of J. Edgar Hoover, which allegedly contained dirt on every politician or person of prominence in Washington. Apparently, to keep Kennedy from handing him the pink slip, Hoover dug up some dirt on the Kennedy brothers and their "meetings" with the superstarlet, Marilyn Monroe. It is also suspected that Hoover used similar tactics against the civil rights leader, Martin Luther King Jr.



On a more creepy note, on the night of November 18, 1978, in a cleared out patch of Guyanese jungle, the Reverend Jim Jones ordered the 913 members of his flock to kill themselves by drinking cyanide potion, and they did. Afterwords, Jones shot himself, or was shot by another. That is all true. The conspiracy enters in the question "How did he get them to do it?" The cultists had lived under Jones in the jungle as his virtual slaves, or rather, living zombies. But did these people really kill themselves simply because he told them to, or is there more to the story? Some believe it to be the work of mind control experiments conducted by the CIA (if all else fails, blame the CIA) in a sort of government run concentration camp.


Christine Fitzgerald, a confidante of Diana, Princess of Wales, claims that Diana told her that the Royal Family were Reptilian aliens, and that they could shapeshift. David Icke's, BBC reporter, claims that humanity is actually under the control of dinosauroid-like alien reptiles who must consume human blood to maintain their human appearance. "Evidence" goes from Sumerian tablets describing the "Anunnaki" (which he translates as "those who from heaven to earth came"), to the serpent in the Biblical Garden of Eden, to child abuse, fluoridation, and the genealogical connections between the Bush family and the House of Windsor. Icke theorizes that the reptilians came here from the constellation Draco. Like most conspiracy theories, falsification of Icke's hypotheses is nearly impossible, but Icke continues to sell books and give speaking engagements based on concepts ranging from the New Age to his political opinions.


As for our "fake moon landings", conspiracy theorist have compiled a list as to why we couldn't have possibly actually landed on the moon:

1. the astronauts couldn't have survived the trip due to overexposure to radiation
2. there are no stars in any of the pictures taken and none of the astronauts reported seeing any from the capsule windows
3. the moon's surface during the day is so hot that the cameral film would have melted (had they actually gone to the moon, of course)
4. no blast crater appeared from the landing
5. the launch rocket produced no visible flame
6. the CIA was involved

Some conspiracy theorist have proposed that bar codes serve as a means of control by the government over her people. They are believe to have a Satanic intent used for mass control.

Now whoever came up with this one has way too much time on their hands. Supposedly, Microsoft is a secret anti-semitism agency targeting the Jews of New York. If you go to the Wingdings font on Word and type in NYC it comes up with a skull and cross bones, the star of david, and a thumbs up sign. Coinsidence? I think not!

do you think it's a sign?

so really i didn't come up with any of these but (being kinda weird) everytime i see a funny bumper sticker i like to write it down, so these are ones that i have collected plus a few more:

-- All men are idiots, and I married their king.
-- Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
-- I brake for no apparent reason.
-- Time is what keeps everything from happening all at once.
-- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
-- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. (my personal favorite)
-- Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
-- Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
-- I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
-- Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off NOW.
-- Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
-- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
-- Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone somewhere may be happy.
-- Consciousness cuts into my napping.
-- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
-- There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't. (lame)
-- Keep honking. I'm reloading.
-- I'm not tailgating, I'm kissing ass.
-- Nowhere you are.
-- Jesus is coming, look busy.
-- Isn't a smoking area in a restaurant like a peeing area in a swimming pool?
-- Just when you think life's a bitch, it has puppies.
-- I got kicked out of cub scouts for eating a brownie.
-- I don't discriminate, I hate everybody.
-- Like what you see? Dial 1-800-YOU-WISH.
-- I used up all my sick days, so I called in dead. (definately second favorite)
-- I'd rather be out sick than in sane.
-- I'm retired, go around me.

guess who?

This is for you, Mixmaster Mack, and you, Mojo Jojo, and you, Nick. Amazing. I'm still on the look out for WG.

you know what i mean

so i was going through some boxes that i found in our washing room and i came across this book called Learning To Talk More Gooder Fastly: Redneck Dictionary. obviously more of a dictionary than a book, but i wanted to share a few of the definitions. i hope this doesn't count as plagiarism, i'm not claiming it as my own.

some of these you have to read through a few times before they actually make sense.

ac-tiv-ist: to behave in a certain manner, particularly one based on another reality. "She seduced me into signing that petition, and now she activist she don't even know me."

bu-lim-ia: a demand that one accept the speaker's truthfulness. "Bulimia don't want to do that."

cer-ti-fy: a phrase applying a condition or assumption to the use of a formal term for a male person. "I wouldn't've called her certify had known it was a woman."

de-cide: the position to the right or left of the front or back of an object or being. "We've concluded that he resembles a pear if you look at him from decide."

doo-dle: a male person and his predicted actions. "Don't even look at him, 'cuz that doodle kill you."

elite: a phrase predicting ingestion by a male. "Give it to Jake . . . elite anything."

fe-males: a phrase implying he action conditional on a male person putting a packag or missive into the postal system, with the purpose of its delivery to an indicated address. "Females it today, we should have it by Friday."

Kat-man-du: a mythical character with feline qualities and his actions or function. "I get why we let Aquaman into the club, but what the hell's the Katmandu?"

ma-ple: expressing the possibility of the act of yanking. "Timmy's adorable, but he maple your hair out."

one more
mas-och-ist: the act of pressing one's lips against a person or object in relation to the celebration of the Christian Eucharist. "I'm sure I'll suffer for it later, but during the first masochist the widow Johnson, and during the second masochist her sister."

hurray the slow clap

do it and die

my newest pet peeves:
(this gets kinda long)

1. people who read aloud what they are trying to type or write as they write it (you know who you are)
2. couples who sit on the same side of a booth when there is no one on the other side (I don't do long distance relationships)
3. people who sit next to you on public transportation when there are other seats available next to no one (um . . . hey)
4. people who prolong class by asking the most inane questions or telling pointless stories (is today tuesday? did we have homework last night? what's your favorite color? do you have any pets? (these same people are also prone to saying things like "like" and "totally" way too much))
5. road maps that haven't been refolded correctly, or that refuse to be refolded correctly (just buy a new one)
6. people who chat with other people online while I'm talking with them on the phone (what? oh, I'm sorry, what? what?)
7. people who own a pet and then refer to them self as mommy or daddy (give mummy a kiss, that's right. me: GROSS)
8. when you genuinely ask someone what's wrong, because there is clearly something wrong, and they respond with a half-hearted "mmm, oh, nothing", sometimes coupled with a long sigh (go pout in the corner, baby)
9. celebrities claiming to be environmentalists (NEED . . . MORE . . . FAME)
10. people who ride their bikes in the road when there is a sidewalk right next to it (you're really just asking to be hit)
11. when somebody tosses something toward a garbage can, like they think they're a basketball star, then leave it on the ground after they miss (she shoots, she sucks)
12. the way people walk in flip-flops (you sound like a horse, clip, clop, clip, clop)
13. someone standing over my shoulder or sitting next to me, reading my computer screen (not to point fingers)
14. people who don't cover their mouth while sneezing or coughing (really? i mean really?)
15. people who write noone instead of no one (gimme some space, please)
16. when you're eating candy and someone asks if they can have a red one (would you like me to shine your shoes too? (say yes and I'll hit you))
17. chasing after a ping pong ball/football (where's it gonna go?)
18. the creepers at red lights, you know, those people that start inching forward in their cars slowly until the light turns green (you best back off my bumper buddy)
19. people who clear their throats in a disgusting way (guilty)
20. when you can't tell if someone is male or female (um, mir? aka- ma'am/sir)
21. uncomfortable chairs (something just don't feel right)
22. having the sun in my eyes while I drive (that's a hazard)
23. movie sequels that are unnecessary
24. when couples say "we're pregnant!" (what, are you sharing a uterus?)
25. the "yes but" people
26. when people refuse to be the decision maker about something simple (I don't care. You pick. Doesn't matter to me.)
27. when you pull a string hanging from your shirt and it doesn't break, but only becomes longer
28. people who say "It's always in the last place you look" (are you stupid? of course it is, otherwise I would have stopped looking)
29. people who will write something borderline mean, but then follow it up with a smiley face (you smell bad :) I hate you :) go die:) )
30. mumbling, then annoyedly saying "Forget it!" when people don't hear you (fine, I will)
31. when people continue to stare after they ask you a question, as if they need you to expand more on your answer (and . . . ya)
32. teachers who think that theirs is the only class you attend or really care about (I'll just give you loads of homework, since you'll have nothing better to do)
33. people who dress their pets (they're furry for a reason)
34. buying 10 packs of hot dogs and 8 packs of buns (is their no coordination here?)
35. people who don't look at you when they are talking, or you are talking to them (you talkin' to me?)
36. people who use the phrase "110%" (*eye roll*)
37. people who say the time like "Eight AM in the morning" (during the day?)
38. forks whose tines don't stand up in a perfectly straight line
39. taking a drink only to find that it has begun to dribble down onto my shirt (I've got a bit of a drinking problem)
40. in mini golf when you miss the hole three times in a row less than a foot away
41. overuse of the word like (it was funny the first three times, that's it)
42. when you score a goal on yourself in foosball or air hockey (Goal!?!)
43. people with poor umbrella etiquette (I realize that I won't get wet with the umbrella sitting on top of my head but if you could hold it a little higher that would be fabulous)
44. getting fruit in you bag on Halloween (I gotta rock)
45. walking into spiderwebs (definitely a mood crusher)
46. stomping on the floor to simulate knocking on a door (I wonder who that could be)
47. when the cashier gives you the change with the coins on top of the bills and for a moment you look like a fool jamming a large wad of cash into your pocket
48. failing to take a backpack into account when turning or backing into people (Wide Load)
49. gray snow that won't melt
50. people who refuse to expand their musical horizons (don't you dare point any fingers at me!!!)
51. people who say "Bra" or "bro" when it's not their brother (excuse me, do I know you?)
52. when people trip over your their foot in the hallway and start running to pretend like they meant to do it (I thought you tripped, but then I realized you just felt like running)
53. car passengers that throw their doors wide open without first checking to make sure it is safe to do so (I was standing there, but not anymore)
54. the saying of the word "dude"
55. being put on speakerphone without warning
56. slow people walking in front of me or people walking at normal speed who suddenly stop for no apparent reason
57. when you bend over to pick something up and miss the object multiple times, and the final attempt is a violent grab as if to say it was the object's fault (huff)
58. people who brag about how trashed they got the night before (impressive)
59. co-workers that try to sell stuff to you at work (no thank you, No Thank You, NO THANK YOU)
60. teachers who stand directly in front of your desk as they teach (where am I supposed to look?)
61. speed bumps (looks kids, a dog, *bump bump*)
62. parents who have their kids on leashes
63. when someone blows their nose in your presence and then proceeds to look at what just filled their tissue/handkerchief (again, you know who you are)
64. when you apply too much deodorant and you have to make a running-in-place type of motion
65. pants on men that are too short (where's the flood?)
66. when someone is giving a speech in class and they won't stop looking at you as they speak
67. people abbreviating words when they speak (jk, omg, what-ev)
68. women who are obviously bottle blondes who still blame their stupidity on being blonde, as in: "Oh, no! I'm having a blonde moment!"
69. broken spines on paperback books
70. people that burp loudly in public
71. hypocrites
72. TV shows and commercials ads with ringing doorbells or phones, which make you into thinking the sound is coming from your house
73. people who try to talk to you when you are going to the bathroom (if you could just hold that thought for one minute)

I feel unnecessarily annoyed now.

i bet they're really nice jeans

real smooth

So at the grocery store last night there was one of those sample ladys with one of those mega-blenders making a smoothie. This wasn't just any smoothie though, this was a super-smoothie. She would throw in whole oranges (including peels), watermelon (with rinds), grapes, whole strawberries, whole bananas, and some other exotic things that I don't know the names of. It was really really good.

Smoothie Don'ts:

Peanut Butter Power Smoothie:
1/2 cup soy milk
1/2 cup silken tofu
1/3 cup creamy peanut butter
2 bananas — frozen
2 tablespoons chocolate syrup

Green Smoothie:
1 cup coconut milk
1.5 baby cucumbers
1 cup baby spinach
flax seeds
frozen papaya
frozen grapes
alfalfa sprouts

Pineapple, Mango and Spinach Green Smoothie:
1/2 pineapple, or about a cup of frozen pineapple chunks
1 mango, or a cup of mango frozen mango chunks
1 huge handful spinach, or to taste
1 cup water, or enough to blend to desired consistency

Banana Oatmeal Smoothie:
1 cup skim milk
1 cup orange juice
1 medium banana, coarsely chopped
1 (36 g) package quick-cooking oatmeal
3-4 ice cubes

S'more Smoothie:
1/2 cup marshmallow creme
1/4 cup chocolate syrup1 cup milk
2 cups ice
2 graham cracker squares
mini marshmallows
mini chocolate chips

Original Thanksgiving Smoothie:
1/3 pound of turkey
3 cups of mashed potatoes
5 Tbsp of gravy
2 cups of cranberry sauce
2 cups of stuffing
6 rolls
4 slices of pumpkin or pecan pie
1.5 sweet potato
1 cornucopia

Original Easter Smoothie:
5 pounds ham
2 cups of food coloring
3 chocolate bunnies
4 pints jelly beans
hard boiled eggs
cadbury creme eggs
rabbit
duck

Original Greek Smoothie:
lots of goat cheese
a hunk of lamb
5 pounds baklava
1 Rizopitta
5 cups of Skordalia
2 cups of Kotosoupa
6 Volvi me Ladoxido

Original Pizza Smoothie:
1 pound of dough
1 pepperoni
1 tsp Blue Cheese
1 tsp Brie
1 tsp Camembert
1 tsp Cheddar
1 tsp Colby
1 tsp Feta
1 tsp Goat Cheese
1 tsp Gorgonzola
1 tsp Limburger
1 tsp Manchego
1 tsp Monterrey Jack
1 tsp Parmesan
1 tsp Mozzarella
1 tsp Muenster
1 tsp Port de Salut
1 tsp Provolone
1 tsp Ricota
1 tsp Romano
1 tsp Roquefort
1 tsp Smoked Gouda
1 sardine
1 piece of sausage
1 anchovie
1 cup of sauce
1 pepper
1 onion
1 pineapple
1 slice of canadian bacon
1 shard of lettuce
1 cup of taco meat
1 chip
1 tsp garlic
1 cup of chicken
1 cup of garlic chicken
1 cup of hamburger
1 olive
1 tsp spinach
1 piece of broccoli

Original Fiesta Smoothie:
2 pounds of taco meat
3 cups of refried beans
6 pints of cheese
7 Tbsp of sour cream
as many bacon bits as you can stand
4 cups of salsa
89 cups of queso

Original German Smoothie:
beer (any amount)
9 pounds of sausage
8 cups of weiner-schnitzal
2 pounds blutwurst
3 streusels
a lot of sauerkraut

Original Christmas Smoothie:
12 pipers piping
11 drummers drumming
10 lords a leaping
9 ladies dancing
8 maids a milking
7 swans a swimming
6 geese a laying
5 golden rings
4 calling birds
3 french hens
2 turtle doves
1 partridge in a pear tree

*Original means I made it up

Smoothie Combinations:

Greek Pizza Smoothie = Grizza Smoothie:
greek smoothie + pizza smoothie

Greek Thanksgiving Smoothie = Granksgiveek Smoothie:
greek smoothie + thanksgiving smoothie

Easter Pizza Smoothie = Pizzter Smoothie:
eather smoothis + pizza smoothie

Green Peanut Butter Power Smoothie = Greenut Grutter Grower Smoothie
green smoothie + peanut butter power smoothie

Banana Oatmeal Pizza Smoothie = Boatzza Smoothie
banana oatmeal smoothie + pizza smoothie

Music for the moment

Songs according to the situation


Situation: You've sky dived from a plane only to find that your parachute won't open.

Appropriate Songs: Free Fallin' (Tom Petty), It's Raining Men (The Weather Girls, I'm gonna let myself get absolutely soakin' wet), Time For Me To Fly (REO Speedwagon, anytime now would be fabulous), Falling Upside Down (Rascal Flatts, right side up, it makes no difference), Hurt So Good (John Mellancamp, only once you've hit the ground of course)


Situation: After hiking through the jungle for about 5 minutes you find yourself face to face with a rather large tiger.

Appropriate Songs: Born To Run (Bruce Springsteen, or sprint, whatever), Don't Look Back (Fine Young Cannibals), Eye Of The Tiger (Survivor, is the last thing you'll see), I Like To Move It (Bang Gang, really really fast), Real Gone (Sheryl Crow, now you see me, now you don't), Take It On The Run (REO Speedwagon, just doin' what I gotta do), Whip It (Devo, but only if your a lion trainer)

Situation : While driving your very fast, very expensive, and very gorgeous speed boat you are taken over by a band of mafia pirates who demand you walk the plank.

Appropriate Songs: Fins (Jimmy Buffet, to the left, fins to the right), Holding Out For A Hero (Bonnie Tyler, anytime now, thanks), Livin' On A Prayer (Bon Jovi), Release Me (Jim McDonough, *beggingly cries*), Surrender (Cheap Trick, wave that white flag), Under The Sea (Little Mermaid, don't laugh), Under Attack (ABBA, I'm being taken), Walk This Way (Aerosmith, drop this way, sink this way), SOS (ABBA, save our s____)

Situation: After spending the day spelunking, you go to leave only to find that the mouth of the cave has caved in, no pun intended, and you are trapped.

Appropriate Songs: Cherry Bomb (John Mellancamp, if only you had one), A-OK (Motion City Soundtrack, no, you're not), The Adventure (Angels and Airwaves, it sure is), All Around Me (Flyleaf, rock, rock, rock), The Grand Illusion (Styx, those aren't really rocks), Help Me (The Great Divide), Only The Good Die Young (Billy Joel, you keep telling yourself that), All Revved Up With No Place To Go (Meat Loaf)


Situation: Preparing for your hot date later that night you begin to dry your hair, only to realize that it has caught on fire.

Appropriate Songs: Hot Blooded (Foreigner), Hearts On Fire (Bryan Adams, hearts, heads, it's really all the same thing), I Melt (Rascal Flatts), Light My Fire (The Doors, too late), The Reflex (Duran Duran, the louder you scream, the faster it all goes away), My Favorite Accident (Motion City Soundtrack, one day we'll all look back on this day and laugh), Smokin' (Boston, yes, you are)


Situation: After narrowly escaping from a band of ruffians by jumping onto a passing train you turn around to find it occupied by a traveling circus.

Appropriate Songs: Don't Stand So Close To Me (The Police, no really, back up), Crazy Train (Ozzy Osbourne), Dude Looks Like A Lady (Aerosmith, man, or woman?), I Want You To Want Me (Cheap Trick, I can do that trick with the spoon on my nose, eh, any takers?), Let It Be (The Beatles, please, leave me alone), Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm (Crash Test Dummies, and that's all I have to say about that), Roll With The Changes (REO Speedwagon, yeah, I'll do just that), You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth (Meat Loaf)


Situation: While moonwalking (on the moon) you look down to find that your rope has snapped and you are slowing drifting away.

Appropriate Songs: Across The Universe (Eric Hansen, here I go), So Long, Farewell (The Sound of Music), Break Away (Rascal Flatts, yes, you did), Come Back Down (Lifehouse, would if I could), Comin' Back Soon (Crash Test Dummies, no, you won't be), Defying Gravity (Wicked, what gravity?), Heaven Can Wait (Meat Loaf, too bad, cause here I come), Rocketman (Elton John, at least, I was), Separate Ways (Worlds Apart) (Journey, and I won't be comin' back), Walking On Sunshine (Katrina & The Waves, so hot, so hot), Higher & Higher (Jackie Wilson)

let me know if you can think of anymore songs or situations

Girl moment (we're all suseptable to one of those every now and then). Can't Buy Me Love is on tv. If there's anything better than Patrick Dempsey now it's him when he was like 17. Am I wrong. Done now.

say it with a song

This "story" it made up of songs from the year I was born. It's a break-up story.


Hey Stoopid, How Can You Expect To Be Taken Seriously when you're The Size Of A Cow? Really? Mama Said To Knock You Out, but I didn't want to get Blood On The Bricks. This Wicked Game you are playing will bring me No More Tears (kinda poetic). I know you came All The Way From Memphis, but please just take a Shot Of Poison and go back Into The Great White Open. You can Kiss My Love Goodbye and return to your Mysterious Ways. Quit Given' Yourself Away 'cause you can't even Remember My Name. You may be Forever Young but I've got a Date With Poverty. Don't Cry your Bitter Tears, Life Goes On. You can Call It What You Want, but this November Rain is sending me some Good Vibrations and I've got to Live and Let Die. This is The Last Time I want to see you so don't you Gimme No Lip, This Love is over. So go take your Sensible Shoes, hop on your Groovy Train, and Kiss Them For Me. Where You Goin' Now? You Haven't Got A Clue, do ya? Sure it was Love At First Site, but that's Easy Come Easy Go. So Don't Make Me Dream About You, Sam, and Surrender already.

There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure

Obscure Word/Possible Insult:

Hobbledehoy: an awkward, gawky, clumsy, or ungainly youth.

Reserved for younger siblings, incompetent friends, and the non-elderly.

creativity at a price

So who else out there had the cheap mothers who refused to buy anything more than the twelve pack of crayons? They don't even sell them in that small of packaging anymore. Now you at least get 24 per box. Usually I was sent to school with those free ones you get at restaurants, all three of them. What creations can I make out of red, green, and blue? Grass, sky, and . . . blood. Or a flower. Ya, fabulous. We have saved all of our crayons in an empty ice cream tub, so it looks like we have a lot, except that it just a lot of the same twelve colors, plus a few oddballs that friends accidentally left after coming over to play. Yes, my friends brought their own crayons over because they knew how much mine sucked. All I ever wanted was the nifty little crayon sharpener that was in the back of one of the bigger boxes. That was the sort of box you could just open and smell the creativity. What big kid doesn't like to color? A weird one, that's who.

Oh The Woes

How I hate April Fools Day. Goodness me. I've decided to compile a list of all of the horrible jokes people tried to play:

My mom told me she was pregnant, and she wasn't. This was the only one I fell for. (background: i continuously ask for another little sister (we need to start over after the first one) but she refuses to accomodate my wish)

"Your shoes untied" They weren't.

"You have some pen on your face" No, I don't.

"Test next hour" You don't even know what my next class is.

"No practice after school" K, don't come.

The worst: "I made-out with your sister" Um . . .

"I ran over your cat this morning" "That was you?" "Um, no (kinda panicked)"

Let's just say that they only got better as the day went on. The worst is when they know that you know that they're lying. And they can't keep that stupid smile off their face. Because I couldn't help but laughing if I ran over someone's cat. How do you even know it was my cat? Did you check it tags after you killed it? I don't even have a cat. So ha.

Minor freakout. So I heard that they (I don't know who they are) were thinking about (and when I say thinking about I mean actually going to) remaking Footloose. Starring Zac Efron as Ren. No. Wrong. Bad. Happy news. He recently backed out for some reason or another. Phew. Except I'd have to admit I'd love to see a new Ariel. The first one sucks. But I love me some Bacon.

title title

I made a little short story that really isn't a story out of movie titles from the 70s and 80s. Enjoy?

It all started when the Alien told Audrey Rose that Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore. Due to Blacula and Blackenstein she now had the China Syndrome. Turns out she was Better Off Dead, even though she had Reason To Live Reason To Die, because even though Diamonds Are Forever, Young Frankenstein had Escaped From Alcatraz, gotten a Clue, and was Coming To America. She was a Woman Under The Influence and he was The Man With Two Brains, it was pretty much inevitable that they were more than just Innocent Bystanders, rather, Killer Klowns From Outer Space. Besides, if the first two hadn't done the job, Dr. Alien would have brought out his Killer Force and Gotcha! (her). The Gauntlet had been dropped and there was nothing to do but Throw Mama From The Train. Once Bitten, she had No Way Out but through the Towering Inferno. What she didn't know was that Scarface, her Secret Admirer, had followed the Gremlins which led him to her Hide Out, which was just a House By The Cemetery. Like Father Like Son, the Little Monsters from The Beyond had All The Right Moves but all The Wrong Guys. Meanwhile, out on the Mean Streets, The Big Boss was busy with Bedknobs And Broomsticks. He had no time to Return To Oz, and had to ask some Boys From Brazi and their Teen Wolf to travel to St. Elmo's Fire for him while he and his Fist Of Fury got Footloose. Next door, some Ruthless People were Running Scare in the Summer Rental while the Boy Who Could Fly tried to Breakdance with The Deer Hunter at The Boyfriend School. One Crazy Summer his Blind Date was trying to Brainstorm ways to be Just One Of The Guys but realized their was No Way Out. Then along came The Last Unicorn saying philosophical things like "Don't Torture A Duckling" and "She's Having A Baby" and "My Best Friend Is A Vampire." After munching on some Mystic Pizza he pranced on his way, taking his Neon Maniacs with him. From Under The Cherry Moon, the Troll was Trading Places with Supergirl. They were trying to Stop Making Sense but the Sudden Impact (new title) Short Circuited their Shock Treatment, causing the Platoon to begin Playing For Keeps. Suddenly The Little Mermaid swam up with a License To Kill and began to set the City On Fire. Since it was Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Flash Gordon could do nothing but sit with A View To Kill.

To Be Continued . . .